Long Nights Moon & Restless Minds
by Luna Rosa
Summary: One deserted december night Hogwarts infirmary, it all begins... takes place during MWPPs last year in school . RLSB. Part of 'Full Moon series'.
1. Chapter One: Don't move, Lupin

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl 

***

Author: lovegrrl   
Email: lovegrrl_in@hotmail.com   
Fandom: Harry Potter   
Summary: One night in Hogwarts hospital wing, it all begins.  
Status: WIP, plotted Pre OoP.  
Series/Sequel: Second piece in 'Full Moon' series  
Archive: www.fanfiction.net, , www.wolfandhound.com, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Yahoo group, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.   
Rating: NC-17   
Pairings: Sirius/Remus   
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Authors note: This instalment is a lot more slashy then the first in the series, 'Harvest Moon & The Absent Friend,' (notice the shameless plug) so if you don't like 'that kind of thing' I urge you to turn back now... Quickly, before you have to burn you eyes out and wash your mouth with soap and hot water. RUN!

Dedication: Queen P, this is for you darling. xXx

***

Chapter One: 26th December 1977 – 11:32 pm. 

Remus Lupin could hear the noises that filled the room around him as if they were drumming inside his ears. It wasn't that they were loud. In fact, it was the dead of night, and he was sure that no one else would have been aware of the sound except him. But last night had been the full moon and Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

Though he had been raised in the wizarding world and he himself was a young wizard in training, this was an unusual combination. Remus had been forced for as long as he could remember to hide his condition to all but his own parents. That was until he had started school – until he had come to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

In these hallowed halls, he had found a group of boys who not only accepted him, but did all they could to ease Remus's transformations. They had embarked upon a journey to become Animagi. It had been hard and gruelling, not to mention dangerous, but finally, in their fifth year they had achieved it. Nearly every full moon since then, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had emerged onto the grounds of Hogwarts, bathed in silvery light, to carry out a new adventure.

The gentle rise and fall of the infirmary curtains swelled in Remus's ears. He winced at the din and pulled the pillow over his head to stifle the noise. The million and one thoughts running through his mind didn't help his stability at the moment. Now he could only hear his own breathing. As he listened to himself he tried to remember what had happened last night. 

He knew he had felt dreadful as this full moon approached. It was not the pull of the moon or the wolf inside him, although he could still feel that, but for the first time in his werewolf existence the night of his transformation fell on what was meant to be the happiest day of the year. A day full of cheer and elation.

_Christmas.___

He hated it! He had missed birthdays before. In his first year at school, he had missed New Years Eve because of his condition, but he had always loved Christmas, and he hated the fact that he couldn't enjoy the day because of what would happen come moonrise. 

Hogwarts had been subdued anyway, because many of the Gryffindors had gone home for the holidays. Remus might have gone home himself if it had not been for the moon. He could feel the danger of recent times just as everyone else. It was a perilous age; people were disappearing and young as he was, he knew that the struggle against the Dark Lord would not be over soon. Everyone had wanted to be with family, so come the last day of term practically the whole school had departed for Hogsmeade to catch the Express back to London or had travelled home in some other way. 

That evening only four students sat in the Gryffindor common room, feeling like they were indeed kings of their castle. But the novelty had worn off quickly, even for them, and most of their days were spent doing homework, and playing the odd game of chess or Exploding Snap. Even James and Sirius's frequent trips to the kitchens didn't bring the usual pleasure to the gang. Hogwarts really wasn't the same without the other students to fill the void, but they had tried to keep their spirits up.

When Christmas morning arrived, Remus had awoken as the first streams of daylight pierced through the scarlet curtains that surrounded his four-poster bed. The wolf was awake, and he wouldn't let the boy sleep one moment longer.

Remus had pulled back the curtain tentatively, trying not to wake the other boys in the dorm. He needed water; his mouth was dry, as it always was the morning of the full moon. He reached his hand out to pick up the water pitcher from beside his bed.

"Arrrrgggghhhh!" Remus was thrown back onto his bed and held down with large, rough hands. He felt the oxygen explode out of his chest as a large body pushed its mass on top of him. He felt another set of hands grab his legs and hold them in place.

"Don't move Lupin," a voice hissed in his ear. "Or else you'll regret it."

Remus stiffened under the weight and tried fighting back but it was impossible. Even with his pre-moon potency, there were two of them and he was pinned. Unless he was willing to lose control of himself, there was no way he would win.

"Are you going to behave?" hissed the voice in his ear as he felt the breath of his attacker surge across his cheek. Remus gasped and glared up at the face. If only he could get to his wand – then this contest would be over – but there was no choice.

"Yes!" Remus bit out. "Now get off me!"

Dark eyes stared down at him, a sadistic glint twinkling in them.

"Only if you promise complete submission," demanded his assailant.

"Or what?" Remus retorted, already feeling the grasp on his legs loosen. 

"Or you won't get your presents."

"I think I'll live," Remus said dryly as he was released from the grip of two of his friends.

It was just like Sirius and James to get up before sunrise in order to play a silly game on their friend. Remus didn't mind, really. It meant they would have more time together before Remus's transformation. After the wolf took over, he could hardly ever remember anything.

After ripping their presents open and teasing James when an owl arrived with a special Christmas letter from Lily, the four boys made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. 

Entering the Hall they were greeted with smiles from Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall, while Professor Kettleburn (Care of Magical Creatures) was trying earnestly to arrange a paper crown on his head with his one remaining good hand. 

There was only one table in the middle of the hall, as Remus had guessed there might be, and he took a seat with his friends. Looking across the table, which was laden with an amazing selection of food, Remus was surprised to see Slytherin seventh year Severus Snape grimly poking his plate of food. He was sure Severus had planned to go home for the holidays. All of the other Slytherins had, at least – none were at breakfast with him. How awful, Remus thought, to be alone at Christmas.

Severus raised his eyes and met Remus's before scowling and looking away again. Remus felt empathy towards the other boy. He knew what it was like to be alone. He had forced himself into a self-imposed isolation for many years before coming to Hogwarts. His parents had been so worried. When Remus should have been playing Quidditch, or at least listening to the Wizarding Wireless Network, he could be found sitting quietly reading some old tome. It was the only way Remus knew of to control the animal inside of him. If he let his grip on the wolf slacken even slightly, then he could explode with pure instinct. Even when he had made friends it had taken years for him to be comfortable with them. Now he didn't know how he had survived without them and was glad he would never have to be alone again.

Remus pulled the pillow from his face and stared up at the infirmary ceiling. He was so tired but he just couldn't sleep. His body ached with the usual post transformation pain, but there was no way his mind would rest enough tonight to allow him even a couple of hours of peace.

Remus turned in the bed and tried to make himself more comfortable. He didn't really need to do this, as all the beds were enchanted with a Comforting Charm, but in his mind, he just couldn't feel it right now.

As his head dropped back down onto the pillow, his gaze fell towards the far end of the room where the door was slightly ajar.

That's strange, Remus thought, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey shut that earlier.

Through the crack in the door Remus could see the light cast from the torches in the hallways. It was warmer then the December night allowed and the torchlight made it seem even warmer.

Remus watched the light flicker through the door. He could hear the cool draft coming from the hall. He felt his eyes getting heavier, and slowly sleep seemed to be creeping up on him. Carefully he closed his eyes, hardly hoping that it was possible for him to sleep. The draft had reached his bed, and he felt cool air swim over his cheeks. Remus sighed and allowed himself to fall asleep.

Only moments later, Remus eyes snapped open again. Had he just imagined that? He was sure he felt the draft again but it was stronger. 

He glanced at the door to see it was now closed. Remus looked around confusedly for Madam Pomfrey, but there was no one else there. 

Then he felt it again. A sharp gust of air hit the side of his face.

Remus shot up in bed and looked around; all his senses were completely alert now. He looked frantically around the infirmary.

"Hello?" he asked, trying to keep the shiver out of his voice.

His ears pricked as he heard a soft stifling of laughter. He relaxed as he looked around for the culprit.

"You better show yourself or I'll hex you until next Christmas!" Remus warned picking up his wand from the bedside cabinet. 

A moment later a disembodied head of black hair was floating at the end of Remus's bed. The face was creased up with laughter and tears were running down his cheeks.

"You should – have seen – your face," choked out his friend through gasping laughter, "Priceless!"

"Does James know you have that?" Remus said, indicating to the empty air below Sirius's head with his wand.

"No," Sirius answered, taking a deep breath of composure, "but – he won't mind."

Remus laid his wand back on the cabinet, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"So you just came down here to annoy me, then?" 

"No!" Sirius defended, "I _was checking to see you were ok." Sirius sat down on the side of the bed without removing the invisibility cloak._

"By scaring me half to death?"

"Oh come on Moony," Sirius reasoned. "You weren't asleep anyway."

"How long where you watching me?" Remus's eyes narrowed, suddenly curious.

"Not long." Sirius answered, and his head moved uncomfortably in mid-air.

"Will you please take that off," Remus frowned. "It feels weird talking to you like this."

Sirius looked across and met Remus's eyes.

"Umm..." He said quietly, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why n–" Remus's eyes snapped wide and he looked away in disbelief. The other boys in the dorm had learned very quickly that Sirius hated sleeping in any clothes and it was now obvious that the rule had spread to night time ventures as well. "James will kill you for this if he finds out."

"I've got my boxers on Moony," Sirius answered indignantly. "I'm not that _thick_!"

"Oh," Remus replied, wondering why this information disappointed him. The seventeen year old had gotten used to his friend's mannerisms by now and almost envied Sirius's ease with his own body. He had often watched Sirius changing and had become aware of how easily clothes seemed to slip on and off the smooth tanned skin of his friend.

Remus had always been so self-conscious of his own body. He had gone through years of violent transformation, and though it probably didn't look too bad to the observer, Remus never could look at himself in the mirror without cringing.

"How are you feeling anyway?" Sirius asked, breaking Remus's train of thought.

"Tired."

"Then why aren't you asleep?" Sirius demanded in a parental tone.

"Dunno," Remus shrugged. "Maybe it's post Christmas excitement."

"There's no such thing." Sirius said easily.

"Could be!" Remus defended petulantly.

"Nah," Sirius replied, "Christmas _Eve is exciting 'cause of the anticipation. Christmas __day because of presents and food, but after that, it's all down hill until Easter eggs." Sirius raised his eyebrows in simple explanation._

Remus smiled gently. Things were always easy when Sirius explained them.

Sirius reached his hand out from under the cloak, and rubbed his hand up and down where his arm would have been.

"You cold?" Remus said.

"Bit." Sirius replied. 

"I could get you a pair of pyjamas from Pomfrey's office."

"Nah," Sirius replied and moved forward on the bed, "Schoosh over."

Remus did so without question. Sirius pulled back the covers and was soon lying down in the bed beside him, warmed by the bed's heat... Remus's heat.

Remus looked down at Sirius in the bed before moving down so they were lying side-by-side looking up at the ceiling. It was easy for Sirius to do things like that, Remus thought. Easy for him to get into bed with a friend, and it be just that, a friendly gesture, a way to keep himself warm. It would never be anything more.

"What'cha thinking?" Sirius chimed in a jingly voice.

"Nothing," Remus replied.

"You're always thinking about _something, Moony," said Sirius. _

"You any warmer?" Remus asked, trying to change the subject.

"Hmm," Sirius groaned, positively. "You keep a good bed." 

They lay there for a few moments. Remus couldn't let himself relax; he could feel Sirius breathing easily beside him. He could feel his naked flesh through the thin invisibility cloak. Remus had never had such a strong reaction to Sirius but then they had never lain side by side in the same bed.

"Do you want to live together?" Sirius blurted out after a moment.

"What?!" Remus asked.

"After school, we could get a place together."

"Ummm," Remus thought, "I'm not sure that's a good idea." What was Sirius asking this for?

Sirius turned and put his weight onto his elbow, and in doing so the cloak feel off his shoulder and half exposed his naked chest. He looked down at Remus.

"It'd be cool," Sirius enthused, "I don't want to go back home, and if we were together it would be easier for me to spend the full moon with you."

Tears nearly sprung into Remus's eyes. He had never _expected them to spend the full moon with him after Hogwarts. He knew they would all still be friends, but they had their lives to get on with. He didn't want to hold them back._

"I'd like that Sirius, but," Remus swallowed back his emotions, "I won't be able to afford it. No one is going to hire a werewolf."

"Don't worry about that," Sirius frowned. "My uncle left me some money in his Will. Once we find a nice place, we can move in."

"Thanks for the offer Sirius," said Remus, "but I can't let you do that."

"You not _letting_ me do anything Moony," Sirius held. "You don't have a choice in this. Now, we're moving in together whether you like it or not, Okay?!"

Sirius looked down at Remus with furious eyes. There was no way to change his mind, Remus thought, so he nodded. 

A smile spread wide across Sirius's lips, full of surprise.

"Really?" Sirius said his eyes wide.

"If that's what you want."

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, "Yes it is."

The smile filled his whole face now, spreading across his lips and up to his eyes which gleamed in the dark infirmary. 

Remus felt his own eyes travel over Sirius's face. His lips were glistening in the weakening light of the moon and there was a small amount of growth on his chin – not much – but enough for a seventeen year old to handle. Remus's eyes travelled down to the exposed flesh of Sirius chest, which was sprouting a few hairs. The skin was so smooth and it seemed strange to have the manly hairs on it. Underneath the skin, Remus could see the softly toned muscles of Sirius's chest.

"Are you okay, Moony?" questioned Sirius.

Remus's eyes flicked back up and met those of his friend's. The smile was no longer on his lips, but it glistened in his eyes, along with a look of concern.

Remus nodded hesitantly.

"Why would you want to live with me, Padfoot?" implored Remus looking into his friend's face. A face he was still memorising with every new day.

"Because you're my friend, Moony. And...." he said tenderly, "and I think I'm – falling in love with you."

Remus's lips parted in shock. Had he just heard that right? He didn't stop looking at Sirius. The gaze was so intense, so powerful. He felt that he could get lost in it. His chest rose and fell rapidly. He could hardly move. 

Sirius's arm, which had been lying on his own hip, moved over Remus's body towards his face. His fingers stroked down Remus's cheek, and both took an intake of breath as electricity flowed between their bodies. 

Remus felt his body ache for Sirius. God this felt so good, Remus thought, just to have him touch me.

Sirius now ran his fingers back up Remus's face and through the streaked hair that crowned his head, pulling all the strands away from his face.

"God, I love your hair," Sirius said, "You have no idea the numbers of times I just wanted to be able to do this."

"It's going grey already," Remus said, trying to steady his voice. There were only a few strands showing in the teenager's dark hair, but he noticed them every day.

Sirius smiled, running his eyes over Remus's lips. "I think it looks gorgeous."

Remus melted even further; he didn't want to just lie there. He wanted to reach out and touch Sirius. He wanted to run his hands over Sirius's skin, but it felt impossible to do anything when Sirius looked at him with those eyes.

"I think you're gorgeous," Sirius whispered, slowly lowering his face towards Remus's.

Remus felt Sirius's warm breath mingling more with his own the closer he got. He felt the welcoming weight of Sirius's chest getting heavier on him. He saw Sirius wet his own lips as he came within an inch Remus. He could almost taste Sirius now. He felt like their lips were already on each other's. His whole body was tensing. The simple thought of one kiss was enough to send his senses crazy and make his body ecstatic.

He couldn't wait any longer. Remus pushed himself forward and their lips connected as his whole body went into frenzied pleasure. The kiss lasted only a few moments but was followed by another, more passionate one.

Remus groaned loudly into his friend's lips, and Sirius responded with another, which sent shockwaves through Remus's body. Finally feeling he had enough energy to move, he pulled Sirius closer to him. The Invisibility Cloak fell between the two of them.

"Take it off," Remus mumbled into Sirius without breaking the kiss. These were two impassioned seventeen-year-old boys after all, and there wasn't much that could tear them apart from each other. 

With one swift movement, Sirius had undone the cloak and thrown it away from the bed. Not caring, for the moment, what happened to it. Remus felt Sirius's naked skin, warm under his hands. It seemed to be the only place his hands had ever truly belonged. They travelled that body like an old book, knowing exactly when to turn the pages.

Sirius hands reached for the front of Remus's pyjamas and started to undo the buttons. Remus gasped, and pulled away, his breath heavy as he panted.

"What is it?" Sirius panted, trying to control himself. 

Remus's hand travelled to where Sirius was undoing his top and rested on his friend's hand. 

"I'm not," Remus started, "...my scars."

"I've seen them before, Moony." Sirius eased.

"I know," Remus shuddered, "but... I want to be perfect for you."

Sirius smiled at this and ran his hand over Remus's forehead and down his cheek. 

"Shhh," Sirius soothed. "You _are perfect for me."_

Sirius kissed Remus tenderly on the lips, then on his chin, then along his jaw and slowly he trailed kisses down his neck towards the skin exposed at the neck of his pyjamas. When he reached Remus hands, he picked one up and kissed the back of it before working kisses down his fingers. Remus could feel the warmth of Sirius's breath on his hand, his whole body was so hot already that he could feel his top beginning to stick to him.

Sirius's kisses reached the end of Remus's index finger, and as he caressed it he used Remus's finger to pull apart his lips and ran a warm, wet tongue around the tip of Remus's finger. Then, as he looked directly into Remus's eyes, Sirius closed his teeth on the head of Remus's finger and gave it a sharp nip.

Remus gasped at the sensation. He could feel Sirius's lips close around the finger, soaking it to the knuckle, then pulling it out of his mouth before quickly plunging it back in again to the warmth and dexterity of his tongue.

Remus couldn't believe how such a simple gesture was making his whole body shudder. His eyes alternating between being wide and unfocused to shutting completely in an effort to control himself. 

Sirius finally removed Remus's finger from his mouth, and laid his hand aside before continuing to unbutton Remus's top. This time Remus did not stop him. Every time Sirius opened a button, he would leave a trail of kisses in its place. Before long the pale blue top was totally opened, and Remus was shrugging it off; abandoning it just as Sirius had the Invisibility Cloak.

Remus tried to pull Sirius back up to him, but Sirius protested.

"No," Sirius answered the look of confusion on Remus's face. "Tonight is for you!"

Sirius pulled Remus hands away from his own body, and pushed them above Remus's head before returning his attention to Remus's chest.

Remus had always been conscious of his scars, but now, as Sirius laid kisses and caresses on the sensitive skin, he could feel his whole body shaking. 

"Oh God, Padfoot!" he gasped, as Sirius ran his thumb over Remus's pert nipple. 

Soon his kisses were following the line of one of Remus's oldest scars. It ran from just under Remus's left arm, down his ribs, and towards his navel. With every flick of his tongue, Sirius made Remus gasped with pleasure.

Oh god, Remus thought, my body can't take much more of this; but he didn't want Sirius to stop. Remus gasped again when he felt the tip of Sirius's finger run just above the line of his pyjama bottoms. With every second Sirius's mouth was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cloth. Part of Remus thought Sirius was going to stop. As bold as the other boy thought he was, he wouldn't – would he? 

Remus felt the familiar tug of cotton creasing his skin. Sirius pulled the string to loosen the bottoms. Oh God!

Remus's breath was coming quick and fast now. He grasped the bars that made up the bed's headboard and closed his fists around the cool metal. The freezing iron dug into the searing flesh of his hands. He was sure that, if he could see them, his knuckles would be snow white. He couldn't control his own body. After years of trying with all his might not to, he was losing control. It frightened him, but he wanted it as well. He wasn't sure whether this was the wolf in him or not.

Sirius gently pulled away Remus's bottoms, and was making his way down towards the throbbing in Remus's groin. He ran his hands along Remus's side until they rested on his hips, and pulled Remus slightly down the bed.

Remus felt like he was going to explode. His throbbing groin was pulling all his attention, and before he could understand what was happening he felt the tip of Sirius's tongue wrap around his head, just as it had his finger.

Sirius allowed his tongue to venture leisurely around the hardness in front of him. One hand ran up Remus's side, roughly caressing the erect nipples on Remus's chest. Sirius ran his tongue from the base of Remus's cock right to the tip and back again. The thumb of Sirius's right hand ran across the base of Remus's cock, and pinched it lightly.

"Oh God Sirius," Remus gasped through the pleasure. "Please don't tease me... please."

With those words Sirius wrapped his lips around Remus's cock and plunged it into his mouth. Remus was engulfed with a sensation he had never felt before. Sirius's mouth was warm, and wet. Sirius's tongue navigated around him, knowing exactly what to do. When Remus would spasm with pleasure Sirius knew exactly how to make it last.

Sirius would pull away from Remus only to return him to that moist heat again. Remus was trying hard to hold onto himself for a long as possible. This experience was too amazing, too longed for, to not be enjoyed to the full.

In one last sustained effort, Remus finally felt himself come just as Sirius gently bit the tip of his cock. His whole body shuddered and rippled with the released pleasure he had built up. Sirius gave Remus's cock one last suck before removing it from his mouth. 

Remus couldn't focus on anything. He couldn't believe what had just happened. His body ached from the full moon, but now it also ached from the pleasure and electricity that had been running through it. His breath was still quick and fast, but he tried to calm himself.

Sirius ran a hand across Remus's chest and playfully pinched his nipple.

"Are you okay, Moony?" Sirius murmured, both concerned and amused at Remus reaction.

Remus was still trying to restore his usual calm, and took a moment to speak.

"I – think – so." Remus gasped, staring straight ahead.

"I've never seen you so shocked," Sirius smiled.

Remus turned to look at Sirius, and he realised for the first time that he was still grasping the headboard. He gingerly pulled his hands away, and rested one across the naked shoulder of his lover.

"Well – what do you – expect." He panted, running his long fingers across Sirius's spine.

"Was it – your first time?" Sirius asked, seriously.

As Remus nodded, he saw something behind the concern in Sirius's eyes.

"It wasn't yours." Remus said, more of a statement then a question. Sirius frowned and shook his head. He broke his gaze with Remus and looked away. He seemed to be lost in thought for a long time before speaking again.

"I wish it had been." Sirius said finally.

Remus very tenderly placed his finger under his chin, tilting Sirius's head towards him; he pulled him into a sweet, loving kiss. 

"I'm glad it was you." Remus told him, after pulling away. Sirius smiled again.

"You still want to move in together?" Sirius said, looking deeply into Remus's eyes.

"After that?" Remus said. "Try and stop me."

Sirius smiled and placed another kiss on Remus's cheek. 

"I've missed you, Moony." His voice was low and longing. He sounded like he had been lost in despair for a lifetime before being able to speak those four words. Remus looked into his eyes, and he could feel the pain there. It was so obvious that Remus wondered why he hadn't seen it before.

"What do you mean?" Remus questioned, running his hand along Sirius's cheek. 

"Not been able to touch you whenever I wanted. It's been awful." He wrapped his arms around Remus. "I feel like I just want to hold you forever."

"I'm not going anywhere." Remus replied as he settled into his lover's embrace.

Hours later, as the daylight began to stream in through the large infirmary windows, Sirius gently woke Remus up by placing kiss after kiss onto his soft lips. Remus finally awoke, and showed his appreciation by pulling Sirius into a long lazy embrace.

"Thank God," Remus said, "I though it had all been a dream."

"No such luck," Sirius teased. He pulled back the blanket covering him. "I'm going to have to go now; Madam Pomfrey will be in to check on you any minute."

"Okay," Remus mumbled as he stretched out his exhausted but happy limbs, "Don't forget James's Cloak."

"Got it," Sirius said as he picked it up from under one of the other beds and threw it over his shoulder. 

"Aren't you going to wear it?" Remus asked, his voice full of warning.

"Moony," Sirius smiled. "We're practically the only students left in the whole of Hogwarts. I think I'll be okay, love." 

It was 'love' that caught Remus's attention and stopped him from pushing the issue any further. As Sirius reached down to place a chaste kiss onto his forehead he simply mumbled a quite 'okay,' his eyes lost in Sirius's.

"I'll see you at lunch," Sirius said. "Somehow, I think I'm going to have a big appetite." Sirius grinned before turning to walk out of the infirmary in only a pair of boxer shorts. Remus took a moment to wonder at the daring of the man in front of him.

"Padfoot," Remus called to his retreating form.

Sirius turned to look at Remus.

"Happy Christmas, Padfoot," he called from his cosy position in his bed which still held Sirius's warmth.

"Happy Christmas, my darling Moony." Sirius smiled before bowing graciously to his lover and heading once again to the door; this time he carried a wide smile on his face.

If either of them had of been thinking, Sirius would have been wearing the Invisibility Cloak. If either of their minds had been on anything but each other they would have realised how foolish they were being. But they young and had just begun falling in love for the first time.

As Sirius left the infirmary and walked down the corridor, he did not notice a pair of dark, inquisitive eyes following him as he went. Perhaps if he had he would have been able to change things and stop the events which would lead to the endangerment of not only his burgeoning relationship but also the life of a fellow student. 

As Sirius walked the hallways of Hogwarts in only his boxers, he felt his heart filling with expectations for the future. 

He was completely unaware of the danger that lay ahead.

***

Author's note: I hope you all enjoyed this. This is the most graphic I have ever made a love scene – because Remus and Sirius are in love with each other even if they (and JK) don't know it yet – let me know if it works.

I might write another chapter for this if you think this is good enough, let me know.

***


	2. Chapter Two: Slytherin Sucks

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Two: Slytherin Sucks 

***

Harry Potter and the characters and locations involved in his world do not belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling. Okay! (Oh, except for Professor Balatro who – even though he is meddlesome and annoying – I have to love for getting James and Peter out of the way on _two_ occasions!)

This chapter has come about through my own love of the first chapter, as well as your fantastic reviews which really pushed me on. Thanks. 

Dedication: QueenP, who got me so drunk at the weekend, it took me until Sunday to properly recover. What I would have given for one of Madam Pomfrey's Pepper up Potions. 

***

"Slytherin sucks!" Sirius said to the half-sleeping Fat Lady who lazily waved her hand and bided entrance before sinking back to slumber. 

Sirius chuckled as he climbed through the opening in the wall behind the painting. Ever since James had been made Head Boy, he had used his new authority to make each password to the Gryffindor tower an insult to the other House. Sirius had to admit that he took a lot of pleasure in the act of using each succeeding password, even though Lily had protested that it was a bit unfair.

Sirius bounded up the stairs two at a time; he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He couldn't believe it had happened, finally happened. He entered his dorm room, and placed James's cloak back into the trunk of the sleeping boy. He walked to his bed, picked up his towel and headed for the bathroom. He felt like he was going to bust and as the water hit his still tingling skin, he began to replay what had happened in his head.

He hadn't gone to the infirmary with the intension of... seducing Remus. It felt like it had just sort of happened. All the signs were in the right place, and they had both easily fallen into each other. Sirius hadn't dared believe Remus would want to live with him. They seemed so different. They had spent six years as friends who were interested in the same things, friends who did almost everything together but they had always been so different. Remus probably thought Sirius and James would move in together, and Sirius had to admit that he _might_ have asked James, but Remus was... Remus was... _Remus!_

As warm soapy water rushed over Sirius's skin, he remembered the way Remus had looked up at him. His eyes had been so hesitant, so unsure of themselves. Sirius had never wanted him more. Sirius remembered the first time he had realised how he really felt about Remus. 

It had been in the middle of fifth year and one of the earliest full moons they had spent together. The morning had arrived and Sirius woke at the end of the bed in the Shrieking Shack. His body was cramped and he could feel Peter's breath tickling his legs. As he opened his eyes he saw James curled up uncomfortably on the armchair by the door, the other boy's robes wrapped around his body tightly. Sirius turned his head, and his eyes fell onto a head of brown hair at the other end of the bed. He seemed to be still sleeping. In the half-light, Sirius noticed the covers had fallen down and wrapped themselves around Remus's waist.

Sirius's eyes stung when he looked at Remus's chest. He knew that Remus had scars, but they had never seen them properly. As the dawning sun broke into the room, Sirius traced each scar with his eyes; following their paths from beginning to end; tracking there twisted path over Remus's body. It was like reading someone's palm, Sirius supposed. Each scar would tell a story and a little more of Remus's life would be revealed. Each scar spoke of the pain and loneliness Remus had endured for years, and Sirius hated to think about it.

Remus had opened his eyes and found Sirius looking at him. It was only when he said, 'Morning, Padfoot' that Sirius had finally realised he was awake, and met his gaze. Their eyes had locked, and Sirius felt his heart hitch. It was _then_ that he wanted to move forward into Remus's arms, it was _then he wanted to take his mouth and trace the line of each scar with his tongue, adding the protection of his touch to Remus's healing charms, but it had taken him another two years before he had found the courage to do it. _

***

Sirius's eyes kept flickering towards the door of the Great Hall, waiting in anticipation for the arrival of Remus. He felt strangely nervous about it. They had only seen each other hours ago, but it felt like a lifetime had passed between them. He never wanted to be separated from Remus ever again. 

His attention was pulled away by a voice whispering in his ear.

"Snape is up to something."

Sirius turned his eyes to meet Peter, who was indicating towards the far end of the table.

"He keeps looking down here. I can see him scheming." Peter's eyes looked up at Sirius. "What are we going to do?"

Sirius let his gaze dart to the other end of the table, and sure enough he was met with a narrowed scowl from the seventh year Slytherin.

"Got a problem, Snivellus?" he demanded.

"Not as much as you do," was the slow, knowing reply he got, before Snape picked up his goblet and took a sip of his drink.

"You'd think he'd play it a bit safer considering he doesn't have his _lackeys_ around him." James said, leaning towards his friends. 

"He's just playing the big man," Sirius replied, wondering exactly why Snape seemed so pleased with himself.

"I'll take the smile of his face," James said as he pulled his wand from his pocket and directed it at Snape. "_Eiciumdum," he said quietly. The tip of his wand glowed blue for a second before dying down. With a quick smile, James pocketed his wand and continued eating nonchalantly._

"What did you just do?" Peter asked with an inquiring smile. Sirius leaned in even further.

"Yeah," Sirius said with the same interest, "I never heard that spell before."

"It's something my cousin taught me last summer," James said with his usual grin. "It's quite effective."

"But what does it do?" Peter implored but was only met with a knowing smile from James.

"You'll find out in about two minutes," he promised.

And indeed, they did. After spending the time trying to steal glances at the Slytherin without him noticing, the Gryffindors' attention was pulled to the other end of the table by a large belching sound.

Snape clutched at his stomach with one hand, while the other was clamped firmly over his mouth. His skin was turning a disgusting shade of green and he had broken out into a cold sweat. As he tried to extricate himself from the table he tripped backwards and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Mister Snape," Professor McGonagall asked, after breaking away from her discussion with Madam Hooch on the qualities of the new Nimbus 1000, "what exactly is the matter?"

Snape could not answer; he was trying to scramble off the ground without taking his hand away from his mouth. His eyes were bulging, and it seemed that he was going to be sick any minute.

James let out a snort of laughter as the Slytherin went fleeing towards the door, almost knocking down a student who had just entered the room.

"That'll teach the slimy git," James laughed.

Sirius's smile changed from one of glee to a contented relief. Remus who had just entered the hall turned his head inquisitively as Snape sped by him. After a moment he made his way towards his friends who greeted him enthusiastically.

"Remus, my old chum," James exclaimed. "How have you been? I trust this fine day find you well."

"What did you do to him?" Remus asked his dark haired friend.

"ME!" James exclaimed in mock surprise. "What makes you think it had anything to do with _me_?"

"Because it's Snape." Remus said, sitting down beside James who looked completely affronted. 

"Who did it?" Remus looked at Sirius and raised his eyebrows, waiting.

Sirius realised that he hadn't spoken since setting eyes on Remus in the doorway; he was being uncharacteristically quiet, but he was afraid that if he spoke his voice would be uneven. He cleared his throat and tested his theory.

"It was him," Sirius said giving up his friend with an easy smile. His voice was easy, and he even fooled himself.

"Traitor!" James shouted scandalised, but the corners of his mouth twitched and he finally gave away the spell. "It was a Vomiting Charm," he said lightly.

"Eww," Peter said, recoiling slightly from his plate.

"I almost feel sorry for the guy," Sirius said looking towards the door, "_almost_."

"Serves him right, he's just a slimy git." James said venomously. "You know he tried to make a move on Lily...? I mean, I know we not _married_ or anything, but _everyone knows we're together, and he'd tried to chat her up." James shivered, "That __really pissed me off."_

As James spoke, Sirius felt something brush his leg. He ignored it at first, until he felt it moving up his leg and towards his thigh. He turned his gaze on Remus, who was sitting opposite him, looking decidedly hungry. Sirius's eyes fell on the others lips, as Remus ran his little finger across his bottom lip then took it into his mouth and bit it gently. Sirius could feel the tension rise in him as a probing foot explored under the table. Remus had definitely recovered from the full moon. Sirius's eyes were becoming dilated, and he couldn't take them off Remus. 

His mouth was dry, and try as he might, he was finding it very difficult to swallow or even breathe. He had to get out of here. He had to get Remus out of here. He needed to be somewhere with just the two of them.

"Did you find that book I was talking about?" Remus purred, as if he had been reading Sirius's mind.

"No," Sirius managed to choke out.

"What book?" Peter said, but never got an answer.

"I could give it to you now." Remus said, a hand discreetly stroking his neck.

Sirius nodded, and jumped up from the table, glad that his robes were so loose.

"Aren't you hungry?" James shouted at his retreating friends only to be met with a definite 'No!' from both.

Sirius could hardly wait to get his hands on Remus and grabbed him the minute they entered the deserted Entrance Hall, shocking a few of the paintings in the process. They kissed passionately and Sirius could feel his whole body pounding with desire. After a minute, they pulled apart just enough to breathe.

"Where can we go?" Sirius asked through panting breath. Remus smiled.

"Come with me," he said quickly, and took Sirius's hand before hastily guiding him down a corridor. After travelling past the large painting of a bowl of fruit, which led to the kitchens, Remus opened a door and pulled Sirius into a deserted classroom before closing it behind them and locking it.

"Isn't this Professor Binn's classroom?" Sirius asked mischievously, and Remus nodded.

"It'll give you something to think about the next time you're bored in _History of Magic_." Remus said, moving towards Sirius.

Their lips met for a second time, and Remus pinned Sirius up against the wall, pushing against him forcefully. Sirius moaned, and pressed himself hard up against Remus. 

"God I want you so much," Sirius said when Remus finally pulled away and started kissing his neck. Remus was wild; he was holding Sirius's hands against the wall with his own, and huskily biting the soft flesh on Sirius's neck. It just made Sirius groan even more. Remus took his hands down, pulling at Sirius's robes until he found the smooth material of the dark-haired boy's t-shirt. Remus lifted it up and ran his hard tongue over Sirius's left nipple. Sirius gasped, and his hand felt its way into Remus's hair, trying to guide his pleasure, but Remus didn't let him. He was in control. He seemed to know instinctively what made Sirius moan and was following his senses to the letter.

Sirius closed his eyes and moved his hands through Remus's hair. 'Don't tease me,' he thought, 'I can't stand you teasing me.' He moved his hands down and stroked the back of Remus's neck. In that moment, Remus shuddered and pulled away. His breathing was sharp, and his eyes wild. Sirius could see his hands shaking at his sides as he tried to control himself.

"Don't do that!" Remus said in a warning tone, his head was lowered and as his eyes focused on Sirius, a dangerous look in them.

"What?" Sirius asked shaking his head in query.

"Don't touch the back of my neck," he said, trying to get the words out through the heaving motion of his chest.

"Why?" Sirius asked in just as shaky a voice.

"It's a wolf thing," Remus explained. "A challenge – You do that, and it leads to – a lot more."

"I want that," Sirius said, need ringing in his voice as he reached his hand out to Remus, only to have it shrugged away. 

"Not from Moony!" he said. "He's – he's too strong." 

"Like now?" Sirius asked, talking about Remus's dominance in this session.

"Yes," Remus nodded, his eyes clouded, "but this isn't full Moony. He's weak because it's so soon after my transformation."

"So how do we –?" Sirius questioned, wondering if the affair was over before it really began.

"We just have to be careful," he said, moving back towards Sirius and kissing him again. "We can do this –" kiss, "we just –" kiss, "have to be –" kiss, "careful." Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, and pulled him closer. Sirius felt himself being pulled deeper and deeper into Remus. As his mouth opened and their tongues probed each other, he knew there was something more going on. He felt like he could stay in this classroom forever. He wanted to be in this embrace forever. He wanted Remus to hold him, and push him up against walls. He wanted to feel Remus's tongue as it flicked possessively over his body. Sirius had never believed that Remus would be the dominant of the two, but it was clear he was. Sirius might have the bravado, but Remus had the true confidence. Remus knew what he was and Sirius wanted that. He wanted all of Remus – all of Moony. 

***

It was an hour later when Remus finally removed the Locking Charm from the door and two dishevelled, but very satisfied Gryffindors emerged from the _History of Magic_ classroom.

"Do you think James and Peter missed us?" Sirius smiled.

"I think they may have felt our absence, yes." Remus answered, placing a kiss on Sirius neck.

"Don't start what you can't finish, Moony," Sirius said with a slight moan in his voice.

"Who says I can't finish it!" Remus argued, moving towards Sirius again, but before he had him within reach, Sirius stepped back a few paces.

"You have to catch me first," he said with a glint in his eyes. "You get me before I reach the Fat Lady and I'm yours."

"I thought you were _already_ mine!" Remus said his eyes assertive. 

Sirius smiled and in a flash, took off up the corridor away from Remus. It took the other boy a second to realise that he _really was going to have to catch up with Sirius if he wanted to get his prize and he set off at a sprint._

Sirius craned his head around to see where Remus was but his eyes scanned an empty corridor behind him. As he made it to the Entrance Hall, a smile broke across his face. He was going to have to slow down if he didn't want the fun to end. 

He smashed headlong into something in the middle of the corridor. Feeling slightly dazed, it took him a second to adjust to what had happened, but a voice explained it all.

"You!"

Snape!

"I suppose you thought that was hilarious, Black, didn't you?" Snape accused. "Stupid schoolboy prank."

Sirius looked at Snape's face and tried to suppress a smile when he noticed tinges of green around the Slytherin's temples and eyes.

"I don't know what you talking about." Sirius said in his best innocent voice, but it didn't fool Snape.

"You know bloody well what I'm talking about, the Vomiting Charm!" Snape exclaimed.

"Oh, is that why you left dinner so quickly," Sirius asked keeping up the act. "I did wonder. I suppose the house elves are feeling a little poorly after the Christmas cheer, not up to their usual standards." Sirius shook his head in mock melancholy.

"I know it was you, Black, and –" Snape stopped as he saw something over Sirius's shoulder. Sirius looked to see a smiling Remus panting behind him, but the smile soon disappeared when Remus's eyes fell on Snape.

"What's going on?" he asked Sirius, as he fought to get his breath back.

"He thinks I tired to poison him," Sirius explained as if Snape wasn't even there. "but he's got no proof, as usual."

"Actually," Snape's insipid voice interrupted, "I think I'm a _lot_ more interested in what _you two have been up to." His malicious gaze flicked from Sirius's dishevelled robes to Remus's. "No doubt it's illegal, or at least – illicit." Snape's voice curled in pleasure at the prospect of catching them out._

"What's it to you?" Remus said as he moved forward to stand at Sirius's side.

"That's it, Lupin, protect your _boyfriend." Snape's voice dripped with malice. "You never know, he might even let you be on top next time!"_

"How _dare_ you!" Sirius bellowed as he pulled out his wand and bowled towards Snape. He stopped within inches of the Slytherin, his wand pointing between the other boy's eyes. Rage was building up inside of Sirius. He didn't know for how long he could hold onto it as he stared at the satisfaction on Snape's face.

"Temper, temper," Snape scolded. "You wouldn't want to scare him off, now would you?" Snape drawled, standing and watching him. Sirius's eyes widened in anger and he pulled his wand back, ready to strike Snape. Just then, a warm hand rested on top of Sirius's wand hand. He turned his head to meet amber eyes again.

"Don't Sirius," a familiar voice implored, "he's not worth it."

"Yes he is," Sirius half-snarled holding his wand tighter, but Remus pulled him away from Snape and up the large marble staircase.

"That's it, Black," Snape chided. "Listen to your _boy_friend."

Sirius fought to get back to Snape and injure him, even if it had to be with his bare hands, but Remus's intent was stronger. It took until they had climbed to the fifth floor before Sirius found himself able to talk again.

"Why didn't you let me do it?" he asked.

"Because you would have regretted it," Remus said from a couple of steps in front of him.

"No I wouldn't!" Sirius replied stopping in his tracks. "It would have been worth it for what he said."

"And what did he say, Sirius?" Remus asked in a simple way as he turned to look at his friend.

"You were there, Remus, you heard him," Sirius answered feeling his rage again. Remus sighed and walked towards Sirius, this time looking Sirius directly in the eyes when he spoke.

"What did he _say_, Sirius?" Remus asked again.

"He said – he said –" Sirius couldn't put it into words. His body was shaking. He hated what Snape was able to do to him.

"He said you were my boyfriend!" Remus finished. "And you wanted to kill him." Remus lifted his hand up and placed it on Sirius's cheek. His brow was furrowed as he looked into Sirius's eyes. "I never thought someone should die for telling the truth." After a moment Remus let his hand fall and began to walk back up the stairs

Sirius's mouth dropped opened. He hadn't really done that, had he? Attacked Snape for telling the truth? – No! He had attacked Snape for being _Snape,_ for being an arrogant, pompous, slimy, annoying git who just wanted to nose around other people's business. Then it hit Sirius.

He looked at the retreating figure of Remus Lupin. 'Did he just say?'

Sirius sprinted up the stairs after Remus and circled around him until they were face to face. Remus stopped when he realised Sirius was there. Reluctantly, he raised his head to meet Sirius's gaze.

"Boyfriend?" Sirius said quietly, looking at Remus intently. The other boy looked back. After a moment, Remus shrugged his head in despondence. "Boyfriend!" Sirius said more loudly this time, and Remus smiled slightly. A happier Sirius moved closer to Remus, and said almost in a whisper "_Boyfriend," before placing another kiss on Remus's lips. _

***

When classes started back after the Christmas it seemed the professors where piling on the work. Their NEWTs were fast approaching and even though Remus and Sirius tried to get away to empty classrooms – even an empty broom closet one time – it never seemed to satisfy them.

Sirius would sit and watch Remus as he studied one book or another. Remus's hair was just long enough to push behind his ears but there was always one piece that seemed to escape from its bonds, and try as he might, Remus could never keep it out of his face. Sirius would watch as it once again slipped forward, and he wanted so desperately to reach forward and push it back but he couldn't. 

Sirius slammed his Potion's book shut making half of the Gryffindor common room jump in surprise.

"What's wrong with you?" James asked looking up.

"I'm bored," Sirius moaned.

"You're always bored," James replied looking back at his book and trying to figure out exactly when in real life he would need to know how to do a _Bubble-Head Charm_. Honestly! You'd think they'd at least teach us something worth knowing, James thought.

"Why are we studying anyway?" Sirius interrupted again. "It's only January! The exams are months away."

"That's what you said about your OWLs!" Remus teased. 

"And I got good grades, didn't I?" Sirius reasoned.

"Only because you made a _Wit-Sharpening Potion,_" Remus pointed out.

"Well the wit has to be there in order for it to be sharpened." Sirius smiled back. He loved to have these little _discussions with Remus. It always felt almost like foreplay to Sirius; the small talk before the big event. He felt himself groan inwardly when he realised they probably wouldn't be alone at all today. It was almost passed curfew and they really didn't have any reason to leave the tower._

"Who wants to go on a kitchen raid?" Peter asked. Sirius could have hugged him. In a split second, James had shut his book.

"Hell yes!" James replied. "I don't care if I fail McGonagall's Transfiguration exam I can't look at this book any longer." He shook his head as if trying to shake away the stress. Sirius smiled; he very much doubted that James would ever fail a Transfiguration exam, but he wasn't going to say it because they would only stay longer.

James sprinted up the stairs and returned a moment later, looking carefully around the crowded common room as he held his cloak under his robes.

"You coming?" he asked Sirius as he headed towards the door.

"No, I'm not hungry," Sirius said, trying to keep his eyes focused on his book.

"Yeah right!" James said doubtfully. "Come on or I might believe you," he said beckoning Sirius with his hand.

"Honestly, I'm not hungry, you two go." Sirius said convincingly.

"Do you want me to bring something back?" Peter asked, but Sirius shook his head.

"I'm fine, honestly – go!" Sirius said, and after James gave him a quick look, Peter and he left through the portrait hole.

Sirius lifted his head and looked at Remus.

"They didn't ask me to go!" Remus said with a smile on his face.

"That's because you _never_ go on Kitchen raids." Sirius said teasingly.

"That's not true!" Remus said, his eyes widening in self-defence. 

"The last time you did was just after the start-of-year feast, and that was only because you wanted some more chocolate cake," Sirius stated, and Remus was about to answer when Sirius leaned forward and began speaking again. "What I want to know is where that book you promised me is?"

Remus gave him a questioning look.

"What b-" he started but then remembered the conversation they had weeks ago in the Great Hall. "Oh _that_ book!" he said smiling. "I could give it to you now," Remus seductively offered, "that is, if you still want it?"

"Oh I want it," Sirius answered and they both quickly picked up their bag and books.

As they walked up the stairs to their room, Sirius could feel Remus behind him. His body was almost pressing right up against him and it made Sirius quiver, grasping his books closer.

The minute the got into their room, a crash of books hit the floor and Sirius turned to face Remus, burrowing his hands deep inside the others robes. Remus's mouth still tasted of dinner and Sirius's tongue exploded at the discovery. 

They stood there kissing, and panting, and caressing until Remus pulled away suddenly, needing to get his breath back.

"Do you think," he gasped as Sirius kissed his neck and ran hands up his naked back under his robes, "do you think we should tell them?"

"Huh?" Sirius mumbled, not taking his lips away from Remus's fair skin.

"James and Peter," Remus said as he arched his neck.

"Sure," Sirius said, opening Remus robes.

"I'm serious," Remus said regretfully pushing Sirius away. "They're going to notice something is up when we keep disappearing together."

"_They_ disappeared tonight!" Sirius said moving back to Remus, "for all we know they're shagging in a broom closet somewhere."

"Eww _Sirius_," Remus reproached, but allowed Sirius to push his arms around his waist again. "but – should we tell them, I mean, I know we _should, but – should we?"_

"Are you feeling a little unsure of yourself, Moony?" Sirius teased but stopped when he saw the concerned look in his friend's eyes. "Do you want to tell them?" 

"I don't want to lie to them." Remus explained, a pained expression on his face. "I know how hard it is to keep a secret from you guys, but – it's not just _my_ decision," he said, running a finger through Sirius's hair.

"But you know what it's like," Sirius said, "to be – well – outed." Remus nodded. "We're not harming anyone, are we? We're not leading anyone astray who doesn't want it." He kissed Remus lightly on the lips.

"I just feel that by lying to them, I'm spitting in the face of what you all did for me – do for me," Remus explained. "You three mean so much to me." Remus said gazing intently into Sirius's eyes.

"We won't lie to them then!" Sirius said pulling Remus closer. "If they ask, we'll tell them the truth."

"The _whole_ truth," Remus smiled.

"Every – gory – detail!" Sirius said, pecking Remus on the nose.

"Hey," Remus defended himself, "that's not what you said after Quidditch practice." He allowed his hands to trail down Sirius front. "In fact I think your words were a _whole_ lot different." Remus's hand slipped under the waistband of Sirius's trousers, and quickly found what he was looking for.

"Oh God!" Sirius exclaimed as Remus grasped his palm around Sirius's throbbing erection.

"That's more like it," his lover teased.

***

Almost half an hour later, Sirius heard the familiar thud of Peter's steps climbing the stairs and James voice trailing behind him.

"Bloody Idiot!" James's voice travelled through the closed dorm door to be followed a moment later by its owner. "Bloody _Idiot_!"

"What happened?" Sirius asked as he stretched out on the bed where Remus and he had just been lying.

"Professor Balatro caught us coming back up," James explained in fury as he talked about the head of Slytherin House and the one professor you wouldn't want to meet after curfew.

"What do you mean he caught you?" Remus asked, picking up the two bags dumped beside the door and chucking one at Sirius. "You had your cloak on didn't you?"

"It got caught in the doorway on our way out of the kitchens," Peter explained his voice doleful. "We were trying to get it back when Balatro came round the corner – Never seen him look so happy."

"Gave us detention straight away," James said as he threw himself on his bed, "and took twenty points from Gryffindor." 

"Probably get us to polish the Dungeon corridors like last time," Peter complained. "He loves that one! Not that polishing them makes any difference they still look dank and grimy afterwards."

"Did you get your cloak out?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'll get it first thing in the morning. I'm sure he guessed what we were up to."

***

Author's Note: Thanks to you all for reading, and sorry it took so long to get out. It was practically finished, but I got all depressed after reading book five. Just so you know, because so much of it was written before book five, I am not changing too much to fit in with new information. Surprisingly however, I had written some facts that turned up in Order of the Phoenix before it's released. I like to think of JK as my psychic sister. (I jest of course.) 

Chapter Three will be along shortly, maybe even quicker if you review!!! Hint, hint.

*** 


	3. Chapter Three: Detention

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Three: Transformation 

***

Author's note: Thanks to all you lovely, lovely reviewers. Your words of encouragement and support makes writing this story that much more enjoyable then it already is. Much thanks also have to be given to my beta, Abinikai, for loving this story as much as I do and challenging me to make it better.

Dedication: As always to my Queen P, who puts a smile on my face and a gleam in my heart. 

For all of you out there in _Order of the Phoenix denial, remember... "He'll never be gone. Not as long as those who remain are loyal to him."_

***

They all managed to behave themselves for the next week, mostly because of the Transfiguration exam Professor McGonagall had assigned for their class. She hadn't told the students what the exam would be on, only explaining to come fully prepared for anything. It mightn't have been so bad, but it was on the same day as the full moon and they had stayed up late the night before trying to get Peter to grips with a particularly difficult spell.

When Peter had finally achieved the spell at nearly five in the morning Sirius nearly hugged him in relief. How could you become an Animagus and not be good at transfiguration, Sirius thought but didn't say anything as he just wanted to get as much sleep as possibly before having to go for breakfast.

When they stumbled out of their last class that day, they all felt more relieved. As it turned out the exam hadn't been so bad. The worst part was the wait because Transfiguration was the last class of the day. They congratulated themselves on a job well done and started to walk away from the classroom when a stern voice called after them.

"Mr Potter, Mr Pettigrew," the witch's voice said, "a word in my office if you please." It was said as a request, but it was obvious they had no choice in the matter.

"Oh God," Peter groaned. "What now?!"

"Wait here," James ordered Remus and Sirius before dragging Peter into the office after him. Sirius turned and looked at Remus.

"What do you think is up?" he asked. Remus shrugged. "You could listen in." Sirius said mischievously, moving closer to Remus. 

"No I couldn't!" Remus said firmly, aware of his heightened senses.

"They wouldn't mind," Sirius said, but Remus shook his head. "I'll make it worth your while," Sirius teased as he ran his thumb over his bottom lip.

"That's blackmail!" Remus said, but couldn't take his eyes off Sirius's lips. After a moment, he closed his eyes and tilted his head sideways. He took a tentative sniff at the air. "It's not good news." His face frowned. "James is annoyed, Peter –" sniff. "stressed."

"Their results?" Sirius asked, confused, but Remus shook his head. As he listened, he started to repeat what he heard.

"..._disappointment to your House_ – _losing _more_ points." Then Remus heard something else and lifted head to look in Sirius eyes. "Balatro's detention!" Then, hearing more he half whispered, "shut up, James!"_

"What is it?"

"He's trying to change it – _not tonight." Sniff. "McGonagall is suspicious – but," his shoulders relaxed, "No, she's letting them leave."_

"So it'll just be us two tonight!" Sirius said and their eyes locked on each other, sparking with desire. Something might even have happened right there in the corridor if James and Peter hadn't fumed out of McGonagall's office a minute later.

"I don't believe it," James said in an irate apology as they made their way back to the Gryffindor tower. "That woman's just as much a menace as Balatro!"

"We have to meet him at nine in the Entrance Hall." Peter said. "I bet he's going to make us do the corridors."

"I sorry, Moony," James regretted. "I don't know how long we're going to be. You might have to deal with Padfoot on your own tonight." Sirius hit James in self-defence.

"I think I can _hand_le him just fine." Remus said smiling inwardly.

***

"Wait – not yet – hang on" Sirius gasped as Remus pushed him deeper into his throat. They had at least another half hour before moonrise and he wanted to enjoy it. The hot wetness of Remus's mouth and the forceful action of his tongue, however, were making it impossible.

They had already crashed around the room in ecstasy. Sirius could feel the throbbing on his shoulder where Remus's teeth had marked the skin. Remus had ran long fingers all over Sirius, needing to touch every fold of his body, and now they grasped at his hips as Remus used this as leverage to control Sirius's movement. It worked well. No matter how much Sirius tried, Remus had him held fast, his fingers marking the soft skin covering Sirius's bones. 

There couldn't be anything better then this, Sirius thought, and they hadn't even had sex yet, not fully. He tried to calm his rising frenzy, but all he could think about was Remus's mouth – Remus's tongue. He gripped the tattered sheets of the Shack's only bed and tried with all his might to hold on.

"Oh God – Fuck." His body tensed as the words escaped his lips, but he hardly heard them. They were simply pouring from him as he writhed against Remus's fiery mouth. He gasped at each word, trying to take in the oxygen he needed to survive. "Oh fuck, Remus – God _yes."_

As he remembered the look on Remus's face that first time in the infirmary Sirius felt his whole body shaking. He was losing control. He felt Remus's tongue pushing forcefully down on his cock and a second later, he came so forcefully his whole body went completely stiff in shock. He could feel it coursing through his veins, and even though he knew he was still corporal, he felt he had truly left his body behind and was just drowning in the thrill of orgasm.

Remus removed his grasp on his hips and Sirius could feel the skin he had just been gripping burn.

"I thought you were going to 'hang on,'" Remus teased and Sirius pulled him up into a kiss so forceful that his lips started to burn as well. He knew they would be bruised, but he didn't care; he couldn't care about anything when all he could feel was Remus's naked body on top of him; when all he could taste was his own flavour in Remus's mouth. It drove him wild.

"I can't do this," Sirius gasped, "I need more of you – I need all of you."

"You have all of me," Remus panted as he pulled Sirius into another kiss.

"No, I need you in me," Sirius pleaded, "I need to be part of you." He tried to turn Remus over so he was on top but Remus's body pushed down on him and he stroked Sirius's face.

"Not yet," Remus eased his weight on Sirius, "it's too soon – for both of us!"

"How can you know when you've never been with anyone else?" Sirius asked, biting at the heel of Remus's hand.

"Because I'm sure of you," Remus said, looking down at his lover. "So completely _sure_!" 

Sirius gasped at the look in Remus's eyes. He was! Sirius realised. He didn't need to search the other boy's face for the truth of the statement. It was coming off him in waves.

"I need," Sirius flustered, pushing against Remus. "I need air." He managed to dislodge Remus, and sat on the edge of the bed gasping for breathe. He couldn't get enough oxygen into his lungs. His head was dizzy and he thought he was going to faint any minute.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked from over his shoulder. Sirius caught his breath and nodded his head unsteadily.

That look on Remus's face had scared him. He knew how he felt about Remus but had never expected to get it in return. He never expected it and it had frightened him to see it in Remus's eyes – but why?

"What just happened?" Remus asked, his voice unsure. Sirius turned and looked into Remus's eyes and knew he had to tell his golden-haired lover the truth.

"I – no one has ever looked at me like that before," Sirius said feeling ashamed at his actions. "I guess – it scared me." Sirius gripped the edge of the bed harder; he didn't want to break down. He never had before, but this was Remus. Remus, who obviously felt so much for him. Remus, who might even –

"I'm sorry," Remus said.

"No," Sirius said forcefully, "it's not you! I just – I liked it," he said, "I'm just not used to it, that's all." He finally got back into the bed and they lay side by side, gazing at each other. Sirius ran his hand up Remus's side. "I have something for you," Sirius said, pulling a small bag out of his robes. "I know its a few days early, but it's for your birthday." He handed the package to Remus.

"What is it?" Remus asked, looking from the small present up to Sirius.

"Open it." Sirius pressed with a slight edge of uncertainty to his voice.

Remus pulled the piece of string, which held a cloth wrapping on the present and watched as the material fell back in his hands to reveal a small statue on a chain. It was carved out of dark stone and etched with the most detailed Celtic design. The result was the figure of a watchful dog; his eyes were wide and he sat on hind legs. Even though he wasn't magic, Remus was almost sure he could see the eyes guarding those around him.

"It's beautiful, Sirius," he said in an amazed voice.

"It's called a Madra Mór," Sirius explained. "It comes from a Celtic legend – well I'll tell you it some time, but he's meant to ward off bad demons." Sirius looked down at the figure in Remus's hand. "I just thought he could keep you safe."

"I'll put him on in the morning," Remus said, "I don't want to break the chain." Remus ran his finger over the soft cool stone. "Where did you get him?" he asked.

"Last summer." Sirius explained and he suddenly felt shy as Remus looked up at him, realising what the answer meant. Remus smiled softly.

"He looks like Padfoot." Remus said.

"I know," Sirius smiled playfully. "You can't get rid of me now!" Then Sirius saw that look again, and this time he felt relieved. Remus would never want to get rid of him. Sirius reached his hand up and pushed Remus's hair back from his eyes. "Promise me something."

"What?" Remus asked softly, placing his hand on Sirius's waist.

"Promise me that no matter what happens, no matter how much of an idiot I can be–" Sirius swallowed back the ball of dryness in his throat, "promise me you will always look at me like this." Sirius ran his fingers down Remus's cheek and felt a gasp of breath expel from his mouth.

"Always," Remus promised in a whisper and Sirius could feel his eyes fill with new emotion. "Always," Remus repeated and he turned his head to place a wet kiss on the palm of Sirius's hand. "Always" Remus whispered as he kissed his palm again. 

Sirius moved forwards and replaced his hand with his lips. This kiss was softer, more tentative then before, almost like they were both testing this newest step in their relationship, each careful of the gift that had been given. Sirius moved his hand down Remus's body and could feel the still drying sweat glistening on his body. Their moistures mingled as body pressed against body.

Remus pulled him closer, more passionate now. These seventeen year olds were filled with energy as teenage hormones pulsed through their bodies. Remus groaned into Sirius as he ran his hands over Remus's arse and pulled him even closer. Sirius could feel Remus getting harder against his thigh and marvelled at the stamina he seemed to possess. He got harder still and Sirius felt Remus's hand on the centre of his chest, fingers spread wide.

Suddenly Remus pushed forcefully against Sirius and pushed him away. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Remus screamed as Sirius crashed off the bed and landed on the floor. 

"What?" Sirius pulled himself back to Remus.

"Get away!" Remus spat as his face convulsed in pain and he bent double. Sirius instinctively moved towards Remus.

"No Sirius," Remus said pushing him back again, fighting to hold himself together, "change!" Remus was gripped with pain again and howled as it took hold of him. Sirius heard the snapping of bones as the wolf started to take over and he found himself completely helpless. As he watched the pain convulse across Remus's face he felt it grip his heart.

"Now!" Remus half growled and suddenly Sirius remembered what was happening. In a second, he had transformed into Padfoot and hated himself instantly. All he could do was sit and watch as Remus's body ripped apart once more. Fire in each pore as the wolf's mane raped its way through. Remus's bones dislocating, and shattering as his body distorted into its once monthly form. It seemed to last forever.

When Moony finally fell onto the mattress, Padfoot could hear him whine at the remnants of pain. He moved forward and carefully licked the wolf's face. A moment later, Moony turned and stared into Padfoot's eyes and somehow Sirius recognised what he was seeing. Somehow, he could see the look that Remus had given him only minutes before. He could see Remus! Even though he didn't realise it at the time, it was in that moment Sirius Black truly fell in love with the wolf.

***

When Remus opened his eyes the following morning it was to see Sirius looking down at him. He was sprawled half across Sirius's chest and his head was resting over his lover's heartbeat.

"Did we go out last night?" Remus said, wondering why he could taste pumpkin in his mouth.

"For a little while," Sirius answered, brushing Remus's hair with his fingers, "Moony was feeling very playful." Sirius placed a kiss on Remus's forehead. "How are you?"

"Not too bad," Remus answered trying to turn onto his back. Just then a shooting pain ran right up his left leg and slashed across his chest. Sirius felt Remus shudder beside him and bite back the pain. "God – spoke too soon."

"Can I do something?" Sirius asked, wishing he could stop the pain altogether.

"Not really," Remus answered, "but would you pass me my robes, I'm a bit cold."

Sirius crossed the room in a second, grabbed the robes and sat gently on the bed beside Remus. He leaned forward and tenderly helped Remus into the sitting position. He noticed the chain around Remus's neck.

"When did you put that on?" he asked.

"Just after dawn," Remus replied, "I told you I would." He smiled reassuringly. 

Sirius eased the robes up Remus's arm and over his shoulders. The wolf hadn't clawed at himself last night, but Sirius could still see bruises where bones had cracked and skin had been forced into distortion. They would heal quickly, he knew that, but still there was more pain from the wolf then just the physical side of transformations.

"Is that better?" Sirius he asked when he had finally buttoned up Remus's robes.

"Thank you," Remus said softly and let himself rest back onto the headboard. "I'm tired," he said with his eyes closed. "What time is it?"

"Only about five," Sirius answered. "Do you want to sleep more?"

"Hmm," Remus replied and let himself slip carefully down into the bed. "Get back into bed, Padfoot," he commanded sleepily.

Once Remus was settled, Sirius got in behind him and spooned their bodies together. He could feel Remus warming up against his heat and he wrapped a protective arm around him. Remus turned his head and kissed Sirius lightly on the lips before falling asleep again.

Sirius woke to find James looking down at him.

"Come on!" James said urgently. "Madam Pomfrey is on her way." Sirius turned and looked at Remus, who was still fast asleep. "How was he last night?" James asked, looking over at Remus. Sirius turned to see the concern in James's eyes and he smiled painfully. He wanted to say it had been fantastic. That Remus and he had spent some wonderful hours together but in his mind, he saw Remus's face scarred with pain. 

"Where's Peter?" Sirius said instead.

"He's still asleep," James explained. "We didn't finish detention until past midnight. We came down here afterwards, but you'd already gone out. We couldn't find you." A noise from downstairs stopped the conversation. "Get under here." James said as they heard the passageway to the Whomping Willow opened. Sirius got out of the bed and under James's Invisibility Cloak.

A few moments later, Hogwarts' nurse, Madam Pomfrey, bustled into the room and gently woke Remus, who looked around confusedly for his night time companion. Sirius noticed him sniff the air discreetly and then relax as he reached up to the Madra Mór around his neck. Sirius felt himself smile at the gesture and watched his friend being led carefully from the room.

***

It might have been strange when James walked into the Shrieking Shack to find his two friends asleep in bed together. It might have been strange for him to find Sirius's arm wrapped around Remus. It might even have been strange when he realised Sirius only had his trousers on and nothing else but it was normal for Sirius to do things like that. Normal for him to get into bed with a friend and it be just that – a friendly gesture – a way to keep himself warm. It would never be anything more!

Would it? 

***

They all went to see Remus in the infirmary at the end of the day and to everyone's surprise – except Sirius's – he seemed a lot happier than previous transformations.

"That's it, Wormtail!" James jokingly exclaimed, "He doesn't need us anymore, happy as Larry on his own."

Who's Larry? Peter thought briefly.

"No," Remus said, "I'm missed you guys, honestly. I guess I'm just looking forward to my birthday."

"Ah yes," James teased. "Wouldn't you like to know what we have planned for that!" he exclaimed.

"Let me guess," Remus teased. "Sneaking me down to The Three Broomsticks and trying to get me drunk."

"Hey, who told you?" James pouted. Remus laughed at him.

"I don't know why you make the effort, you know it doesn't affect me," Remus said, "I bet you use it as an excuse to Lily, don't you." James looked scandalised but it was obviously true.

"Come on, Moony," Peter said. "It's your _birthday! We have to do something."_

"Okay then," Remus said as his eyes locked with Sirius. He hadn't said much since coming in; he just sat on the end of the bed, his hand gently resting on Remus's leg. It was an almost imperceptible gesture, but Remus had noticed it straight away. "What do you think, Padfoot? What should we do for my birthday?" As he looked deep into Remus's eyes, Sirius knew what he _wanted_ to do, but he didn't think James or Peter would appreciate it, so he decided to pull the party line.

"Get – you – drunk!" he said slowly. "Madam Rosmerta must have _something_ that'll do the trick," he said, gently squeezing Remus's leg.

"Fine!" Remus conceded, rolling his eyes. "But it won't work."

And he was right; four days later three very drunk Gryffindors and one _completely_ sober one had stumbled into the seventh year dorm room. Peter made a beeline for the bathroom and Sirius giggled merrily when he heard the poor boy throwing up.

"See," Sirius hiccupped, "some people jusst can't handle their alcohol."

A moment later, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," James sang happily until he saw a head of flame-red hair in the doorway. "Ah," he tried to steady his voice, "I can esplain." 

"Well?" his girlfriend questioned, waiting with arms crossed over her chest. James racked his brain for a few moments.

"It's his fault!" James said pointing an unsteady finger at Remus, who raised his hands in innocence. "He jusst _wouldn't get drunk." James swayed. "So we _had_ to drink more! And still – sober!" James shook his head disapprovingly at Remus, who couldn't help but laugh._

"I'm sorry, Lily." He said apologetically but she just sighed.

"Any excuse, I swear," Lily shook her head but there was jesting in her voice as James slumped onto his bed, "Just make sure he makes it to class tomorrow, will you?" she asked Remus, who nodded. She took one last look at her boyfriend passed out on his bed and shook her head. "What did I do to deserve this?" she said half-heartedly before closing the door behind her.

"Ohhh," Sirius teased, "Jamesies in trouble," then fell into giggles as Remus tried to wake James up.

"Come on, Prongs, I've got to do a _Sobering Charm on you." Remus sat him up and after clicking his fingers in front of James's face a couple of times, the drunken boy finally snapped awake. _

"Whers Lily?" James demanded.

"She's gone to bed, mate." Remus explained. 

"Oh," he said despondently, "Shess lovely isn't she, Moony." He smiled goofily.

"Yes, Prongs. She's lovely," Remus answered absently as he tried to find his wand.

"Y'know, I'm gonna marry her. And she _wants_ to marry me," James said. "ME!" he hit himself in the chest.

"Incredible, I know!" Remus said dryly and Sirius laughed even harder.

"I _really_ love her," James sighed drunkenly. "I should tell her that. Whers she go?"

"Back to bed, I guess." Remus said as he finally grasped his wand. "Now, hold still!"

"I wan to see, Lily." James tried scrambling out of his bed. "I wan to tell her, I loves her." He clawed at the door. "Lily!" 

"Prongs, she's gone to bed!" Remus explained, but it didn't make any difference. A moment later, he was through the door and it slammed loudly behind him. From outside came a loud cry of 'LILY!' and Remus winced. 'LILY!'

"Oh poor Jamesies," Sirius teased from his position on the floor (LILY!), "he really did drink too mush." 

Remus was about to get James when a silence fell of the Gryffindor tower, which meant Lily had answered her name or James had passed out. Either way, Remus realised he had two more friends to deal with. He managed to find Peter passed out in the toilet and levitated him to his bed before turning his attention to the high-spirited Sirius.

"Hello," Sirius said as if they had just seen each other. Sirius stood unsteadily and lazily walked over to Remus. "How are you?" he threw his arms around Remus, and hung around his shoulders like a drunken medallion.

"You stink of alcohol," Remus said lightly.

"So do you!" Sirius said with a stubborn look but it soon softened, "Will you kisss me better?"

"You're not sick!" Remus said.

"Yess I am," Sirius replied. "I'm sick as a dog." He laughed at his own joke then leaned forward and placed his intoxicating lips onto Remus's.

"Ummm," Sirius moaned, "you taste gooood."

"Okay," Remus said. "I'm going to put a Sobering Charm on you now, okay?"

"Not yet," Sirius said, "I wan to be drunk with you a while longer."

"But I'm not drunk." Remus said.

"Yess you are," Sirius corrected. "You're jusst too stubborn to admit it."

"I'm the stubborn one?" Remus said in disbelief. 

"Yess!" Sirius replied. "Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn."

"I'm doing the Sobering Charm on you, Sirius." Remus said resolutely and before Sirius could protest he felt his body draining of alcohol, then his mouth was dry and his head was sore.

"What did you do that for?" Sirius asked rubbing his pounding head.

"Drink this!" Remus said, handing Sirius a vile of purple liquid.

"What is it?"

"Pepper-up Potion," Remus explained and Sirius knocked back the concoction. Soon he felt his eyesight sharpen and the throbbing in his head went away. The taste in his mouth from the potion seemed just as bad.

"Gaa," he choked, "can't stand that stuff."

"Well _since_ you've thanked me, let's go to bed." Remus said but instantly regretted it.

"Really?" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Getting adventurous in your old age, Moony?" he said, indicating the passed out form of Peter that they were not alone.

"You know that's not what I meant, Sirius," Remus said.

"I know," Sirius said, "but I can live in hope." He reached his hand up and brushed Remus's cheek. It was strange how much difference a couple of spells could make. Moments ago, all he could think about was how cute Remus's ass looked and how gorgeous his eyes were, but now he wanted to just hold Remus in his arms, just to feel that body close to him. He wanted to feel the soft touch of Remus's skin. Slowly, he moved forward and placed a kiss onto Remus's lips. The last kiss had been sloppy and abandoned; this one was a lot more intent; this one knew how to kiss, how to arouse.

Suddenly the door swung open.

"AH, HA!" a drunken voice sounded and they spun around, "I _knew it!" Sirius's eyes fixed on James's figure hanging in the doorframe. Well they were found out now, he thought, caught red handed._

"She thinks I'm cute!" James finished. 

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and wondered what exactly was going on. James swayed into the room and plopped down on his bed.

"Said it herself," he continued. "I said, 'sorry for being a drunken idiot,' and she said, 'I think your cute when you're drunk,'" James threw his hands up in the air and, unbalanced in his precarious position on the edge of the bed, he fell backwards, "Can't figure her out – I love her – but she's bloody mental." With those words, James Michael Potter passed out.

***

Two week later, Sirius sat down to lunch on a rainy Tuesday morning. His muscles groaned from the extra Quidditch practise the Gryffindor team had been doing since term started. They had a match against Hufflepuff next week, and fifth year Gryffindor Captain, Tara Stone, was like a woman possessed. She had run gruelling drills for most of the weekend. Even when she had allowed them a few minutes break, it had been spent pounding her Quidditch playbook and insisting that the team just wasn't playing as good as they could. He remembered thinking her mad and almost wished Avid Merrion hadn't graduated the year before, leaving her in the captaincy. 

All Sirius wanted to do was crawl back into bed, but they had Care of Magical Creatures first, and he was sure Professor Kettleburn would make them work outside despite the weather. He hoped that by the end breakfast the clouds would pass, but it didn't seem likely.

"Where's Moony?" James asked, taking a seat next to Peter.

"Said he'd be down in a minute," Peter answered, as he picked up a second portion of bacon from the table and put it on his plate. "Think he's finishing off some homework."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. Finishing homework? It wasn't like Moony to leave it until the morning; that was more Peter's or his style.

The beginnings of rustling started overhead to indicate the arrival of mail. Sirius didn't look up. He rarely got mail, and even when he did, he wasn't happy about it. His attention was momentarily pulled to a third year Ravenclaw who received a Howler for bad grades. Sirius shook his head; bad grades and Ravenclaw usually didn't go together. The Sorting Hat had been up to its usual pranks again. It must get bored, Sirius thought, with only a few hours of work a year.

Splat!

Sirius was sprayed with milk, and blearily looked around for the culprit before his eyes fell on the envelope, which was slowly sinking into his hot porridge. He didn't like the porridge, but it was part of the nutrition diet Stone had put them all on. He fished the letter out quickly and shuck off the soggy remnants of his breakfast. 

The writing on the front had started to smudge, and it was impossible to tell who had sent it. I hope they put an Impervius Spell on the envelope, Sirius thought, as he ripped it open.

_Meet me in the fifth floor corridor at nine tonight._

Sirius looked at the note, turned the page over to see what was on the back (nothing), and then read it again. There was no signature, but it was obvious who's writing it was. They had sat together nearly every class since he had started at Hogwarts. What is Moony playing at? Sirius thought.

"Everything alright?" James asked when he noticed the frown on Sirius's face.

"Yeah, fine," Sirius answered.

"We'd better get our robes before class starts." Peter said, grimacing at the dark clouds mirrored in the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall. "Kettleburn will definitely have us outside today."

The other two nodded, and they made there way towards the doorway.

As they reached the Entrance Hall Sirius nearly bumped into a group of Slytherins. Snape gave Black his usual superior scowl. Bloody idiot! Sirius thought. Thinks he's so fucking important.

"What's that, Black?" Snape snarled at the note in Sirius hand. "Valentine from your _boy_friend?" Snape's cronies cackled from behind their leader.

A flash of anger gripped Sirius as he heard Snape's voice. But what was it he said? Valentine? Today is Valentine's day, Sirius realised. He almost felt something close to gratitude for Snape's words. Remus had sent him a love letter, well kind of. He had arranged a secret rendezvous for the two of them. 

Sirius's eyes narrowed at Snape, and he stepped forward. He could feel Snape edging towards his wand in preparation for an attack.

"Care to join us, Snape?" Sirius asked in a dangerous whisper, his mouth only inches from Snape's. Then he did something even he didn't expect. He took a step forward, and licked his tongue roughly up the length of Snape's cheek. Horror shot through the eyes of the Slytherin and he took a surprised stumble backwards.

"No?" Sirius smirked dangerously, and took another step towards Snape, who backed even further into his gang. "I guess I'll have him all to myself then," Sirius finished with a snide grin before taking himself easily towards the stairs. A moment later he could hear James and Peter follow him.

"That was brilliant, Sirius," Peter said through tears of laughter. "Did you see the look on his face? He was scared shitless."

"Brilliant!" James responded. "That was bloody inspired. He won't come near us for months now."

Sirius really couldn't hear what was being said. All he could think about was tonight, and Remus. 

When they entered their dorm room, Remus was just finished buttoning his robes and, in a babble of words from James and Peter, was told what had just transpired.

"You did that?" Remus asked with a small smile on his lips. 

"Well I couldn't have him insulting my _boyfriend –could I?" Sirius replied with a glint in his eye. It was as if only the two of them were in the room. The others were still laughing at the memory of Snape's face, but all Sirius and Remus could do was stare at each other, knowing that if it __had just been the two of them, Professor Kettleburn wouldn't have had a full class today._

***


	4. Chapter Four: Mr Black

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Four: Mr. Black 

***

Author's Note: Thanks to all my reviewers but _especially to my very first flamer, Catgal, who even admitted to never reading the story. I would just like to use the words of one of my favourite writers to say, "__There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written." – (The Picture of Dorian Gray ((1891)) preface.) If you don't like the way I write, fine, but at least have the decency to educate yourself about the facts in the first place._

Me... Bitter?

Abinikai; I thank you for betaing my ever increasing chapters and I promise I will try to repay you some day... maybe a short fic, (don't bet on it), or a pot of wet noodles!

Queen P; bigger, longer and uncut. Just the way you like them.

***

Sirius pushed open the painting, masking the doorway to the Gryffindor Tower, and stepped into the hallway. _At last! It was only half eight, but he knew if he didn't take this chance to get out of the tower unnoticed, another might not come. James and Lily had disappeared after dinner, no doubt they had their own Valentine celebrations planned, and Remus had made his excuses over an hour ago, saying he needed to go to the library._

It had been harder than Sirius thought to get away from Peter. The other boy didn't like to be left on his own, but there was nothing Sirius could do. He had waited all day for this, whatever _this was, and now it was only thirty minutes away._

Should he run? He thought to himself, maybe not. It wasn't past curfew and it would seem even more suspicious if he started sprinting through the corridors of Hogwarts for no apparent reason. He didn't feel like explaining to any professors, or even Filch for that matter, what had him in such a hurry. Even so, his step was quick as he made his way towards the large marble staircase.

Remus had just told him to come to the fifth floor corridor, but where? Sirius thought as he took the first steps down the staircase in one bound. _Slow down_, he told himself squarely, you've got half an hour yet.

"Mr. Black," a voice rang through the corridor behind Sirius. He turned to meet the penetrating eyes of his _Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. She was gazing at him through thin black glasses, "I was just making my way to the Gryffindor Tower to find you."_

"Professor?" Sirius asked, in his most innocent voice. It didn't work. She lowered her eyes on his. Sirius felt like she was looking directly into his soul. He moved uneasily.

"If you would care to follow me, please." She said decisively, and began to make her way down the large staircase. Sirius kicked himself inside. He would have taken James's cloak, but he had been sure he would be safe. He scoured his brain, wondering why he had to be summoned so late to a professor's office. 

Professor Amicitia Lentus was one of the few teachers who Sirius respected in the school. She was harsh like Professor McGonagall, and rarely showed any House favouritism, although he was sure he'd seen a smile on her face when Gryffindor won the house cup last year. Time spent in her office, which was undoubtedly where they where headed, usually ended with Sirius getting a stern talking to and a week of detentions.

Well, he reasoned, I've still got half an hour.

When they finally reached Professor Lentus's office on the second floor it was twenty to nine. Come on, Sirius thought, just give me detention for whatever I did, and let me go.

"Please take a seat," the professor said, as she indicated one in front of her desk. She took her own seat, and laced her fingers together before placing them on the table. Her golden-brown hair caught the last of the dying sunlight from outside the window, as it bounced off the lake, and her crimson teachers' robes complimented her fair skin. The room was packed with pieces of parchment; huge leather bound books and jars with an assortment of herbs, roots, and small creatures inside. Sirius had been here many times before. "I was hoping you could answer some questions for me, Sirius."

Sirius winced, she only called him by his first name when he was in _real_ trouble.

"Anything I can help you with." Sirius offered, but shut up quickly when Professor Lentus gave him a stern look to rival any of McGonagall's. 

"You know what a Recessus Rope is, Sirius?" She asked pointedly.

"Yes, Professor." Sirius calmly answered. She looked at him to continue. "Um, it is a cord, first used by the Omani wizards to silence the dying wails of the Muscat Manticore."

Professor Lentus raised her eyebrows in concurrence. "Your knowledge on the subject is impressive, Mr. Black," she said. Sirius allowed himself to breathe. They were back to surnames. "Do you also know that a Recussus Rope was taken from my office nearly a month ago." Oh Shit! "It was found fastened around the ankle of Severus Snape with _quite a strong Binding Spell." Oh __Shit!_

"Professor?" innocence again.

"It is _not_ hard to figure out what happened, Sirius." The Professor raised her eyebrows to look at Sirius with direct accusation. "Especially for someone trained in how to detect guilty behaviour!"

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again. 

"Do I have to explain to you how serious this is, Sirius." She pressed. "This _prank is beyond simple youthful foolery. Mr. Snape was robbed of a basic right to communicate. He was pushed into an internalised prison of his own thoughts." She was getting increasingly agitated. "A Recessus Rope does not just silence the victim; it forces their own thoughts back onto themselves. It forces the victim to listen to every hated word, and spiteful experience they have ever had. Can you even imagine what that is like, Mr. Black?"_

Sirius stared wide-eyed at the professor. He hadn't known it would do that. He thought it was just like a Silencing Charm. 

Don't say a thing Black, he told himself; if you don't say anything they can't prove you guilty. 

Professor and student sat in silence as the minutes ticked by. 

Eventually, Professor Lentus sighed heavily and took off her glasses. She looked at him again, and he could see the weariness in her eyes.

"Is there any point in giving you _another detention, Sirius?" Professor Lentus asked. "This year alone, I've given you more detentions than most students would get their entire school life."_

"I'm sorry, Professor." Sirius said looking down at his hands, and he really meant it. Professor Lentus was a brilliant teacher, more than that, she actually liked teaching and her classes always edged on the dangerous.

"I just –" She paused momentarily, seemingly contemplating what to say. "You're a good student, Sirius," she said honestly, "brilliant even, but you get distracted _so_ easily." She lowered her head again, and contemplated the situation. "Is there anything – you would like to talk about?"

"No, Professor." Sirius answered quickly, without looking up.

"Sirius, you," she stopped, "_Sirius, look at me!" He raised his eyes and met her gaze. She held it for a moment before continuing. "You're going to leave Hogwarts in a few months, and I'd like to think I educated you in more than just how to defend yourself. The things you're doing now – well –" she shook her head disappointedly. "They're nothing more than schoolboy pranks, and you are not a child anymore, you're a young man. You're going into the __real world, and it's a _very dangerous_ world. Tricks like this one... they will do you no good."_

God, this is worse then detention, Sirius thought, I'd take a punishment rather than this any day.

"I don't pretend to know what goes on in the mind of a seventeen year old male," Professor Lentus counselled, a small smile played on her lips, "but if you ever need to talk." She left the rest unsaid, but the invitation hung in the air nonetheless.

"Yes, Professor." Sirius answered, and she held his gaze for a moment longer before putting back on her glasses.

"Okay, off you go." She said with a wave off her hand. Sirius stared at her in disbelief, no detention! "Go!" she pushed, "before I decide to grant Mr Filch's wish to string up a few students." She raised her head. "I believe you are top of the list."

Sirius got out of the chair and opened the door.

"Oh, and Mr. Black," She called. Sirius turned again. "If you feel the need to – _borrow –_ any more items, please ask me first. I get upset when my things just go missing." She smiled. "Of course, some of them do have legs of their own, but still..."

Sirius nodded, and with a quick flourish of her hand, Professor Lentus dismissed the Gryffindor.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius exhaled, after he closed the door behind him. He took a quick look at his watch, one of the few Muggle items he had bought over the summer, it was five to nine. Sirius groaned, it would take at least ten minutes to get to the fifth floor corridor. 

He set out at a sprint.

***

"Where the hell have you been?" Remus demanded, as Sirius came panting around the corner. Sirius bent double in front of Remus, and held onto his knees as he tried to get his breath back. Panting, he held up his hand, indicating Remus should give him just a minute before he would be able talk, then lowered his head again.

"Professor – Lentus," Sirius panted, "Recessus Rope," was the only explanation he managed.

"Oh God," Remus replied in dread, "How many points this time?" Sirius shook his head and still panting, stood up straight, a big sweaty grin plastered across his face.

"In the clear." He breathed out, moving seductively towards Remus. "Must be my – animal magnetism." He said as he whipped an arm around Remus's waist, and pulled him closer, into a languid kiss. 

"Oh god, you're all hot," Remus said as they pulled apart. "I mean sweaty." he added, as Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Well, you were the one who wanted to meet here," Sirius said, "I couldn't exactly nip back for a shower." Remus smiled mysteriously at these words. "What?" Sirius asked.

"Come with me." Remus replied, as he took Sirius's hand. They walked down the corridor, passed a statue of a confused looking wizard. "Lemon Sparkle." Remus muttered to an inconspicuous looking door a few feet from the statue.

"What are you doing?" Sirius wondered, not recognising the password or where they were going. 

"Shh," Remus said, placing his finger softly on Sirius's lips. "Close your eyes." He commanded, and with an unsure last look, Sirius complied.

He heard a door crack open, and he was pulled through it before Remus's hands left his skin. Sirius heard the sound of a bolt being pulled across reach his ears. Next Remus cast a locking charm. Just like him, Sirius thought, always back it up. Then Remus's hands were on him again, and they turned him around, before kissing him quickly on the lips.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Sirius asked, feeling kind of ridiculous.

"Umm, yeah." Remus replied. 

When Sirius opened his eyes, the only thing he could do was gasp. This place was amazing! A huge chandelier hung from the ceiling, carrying at least a hundred candles, which sent their warm glow splashing across the white marble walls and floor. In the middle of the floor in font of him, was a swimming pool filled to the brim with foaming coloured water. It was surrounded by highly decorated gold taps.

"Oh my God, Remus," Sirius gaped. "This is beautiful." 

"I know," Remus whispered, his lips ghosting across Sirius's collarbone.

"How come we never found it before?"

"Well one of us did!" Remus explained. "It's the prefects' bathroom." Sirius turned and stared at Remus.

"You kept this to yourself?" Sirius said, surprised. "How could you do that, Moony?"

"James would have known about it, too." Remus continued. "Guess where Lily and he kept disappearing to all last year?" Remus said with a grin.

Sirius looked around again.

"I don't blame them." Sirius eyes finally fell back onto the pool in front of them. "Are we getting in then?" he asked.

"Not quite yet." Remus replied as he took Sirius's hand in his and drew his body closer. "I've been waiting for this all day." He said, before pushing his lips against Sirius's. 

Sweet hallelujah, Sirius thought as he felt that warm pleasing taste that was so perfectly Remus rushing into his mouth. Remus's hand reached up to the nape of Sirius neck and jerked him even closer. Their tongues were fighting each other viciously for supremacy. Their bodies already electrified by being so close to each other.

Remus began walking backwards, guiding the two of them blindly around the pool. Sirius could feel himself getting harder as they reached the centre of the room. The anticipation, the closeness of Remus's body, the intoxicating aroma in the bathroom, just added to his need. He was pressed against Remus's hips and he just wanted to be naked. Naked with Remus.

Finally, Remus pulled away, slowly biting Sirius's flushed lower lip as he did. God, I need you, Sirius thought, I need you! Their foreheads rested against each others' for a moment. Each breathing heavily.

"Stay." Was all Remus panted, before slowly backing away from Sirius who could feel himself already dizzy with pleasure; his erection was throbbing to be relieved. Remus kept his eyes trained on Sirius. As he reached the other wall, he dropped himself down onto the soft bench. Sirius's body was undulating as waves of impatient pleasure begged to be released, but Remus just sat, and stared hungrily at his lover.

"Remus." Sirius begged as he started towards Remus, but halted when Remus raised his hand in command. That's a good dog, Sirius thought as he clenched his hands against his sides in a lax attempt to contain himself, do as master tells you. 

Remus lowered his hand, crossed his legs and rested it on his lap.

"Strip." Remus said in a predatory manner.

"What?" Sirius asked in a spark of panic, as he stared at Remus.

"Strip." Remus repeated, his tone lower this time, but the grasping of his voice reached Sirius.

"Remus, I -" 

"_Strip_!" Remus ordered, as a flash of feral dominance glinted in his eyes.

Sirius met those eyes and knew he had to do it. Remus demanded it of him. He felt awkward, and tall, and not very sexy, but as Remus looked at him, he could feel his blood begin to swell inside of him. His lips were dry, and his head spun as the blood drained from all but the most important areas of his body.

As he stood there, Sirius thought back to nights when it had just been him. When he had been the only one touching his own body, pleasing himself. He brought his hand up his chest towards his neck. He could feel the ripples of anticipation under his clothes. His eyes were locked with Remus's, imagining it was his lover's hands exploring his body; imagining his touch toying with his flesh. Sirius pushed his fingers under the neck of his robes, and grasped his own shoulder, pulling the tight flesh with his touch. He dragged his hand as far down his chest as his robes would allow, exposing the top of his body to Remus. With his other hand he started to undo the button on his robe, his teeth biting into his lower lip, tongue smearing it with moist wetness. He was managing to control himself... just!

As one hand undid his buttons, the other travelled up through his hair and down the back of his neck, finally moving around his collar and lifting his chin to expose the soft white flesh just where the neck joined the collarbone. He ran his fingers languidly along the bone, scraping his nails on the flesh, and causing it to rage red against him. He brought his fingers lazily up the soft skin, and along his jaw until he finally took his index finger in to the warm of his mouth; teasing it as he had done to Remus that first night. It was getting to Remus; Sirius knew it. He saw Remus gripping the seat of his chair with his hand. Sirius left out a soft moan and felt it ripple down his body to his loins. Come to me, love, make me groan.

Sirius finished undoing the last button of his robe, and slid the black cloth down his body, allowing it to fall into a black puddle at his feet. He could feel the sweat building on his own body. He couldn't remember ever being so aroused by just the feel of his own touch. Remus's eyes travelled all over Sirius's body. He was drinking in the sight of the other boy. Sirius ran one hand down his chest towards his groin. It caught the bottom of his white t-shirt. He slowly pulled it up to expose the soft, lightly haired skin of his belly. His other hand slipped under the material and began a journey north to his nipple. He could see Remus's eyes on his chest following the progress of his hand. As he reached his destination, Remus closed his eyes momentarily, and swallowed against his already dry mouth, fighting back his own desires. His knuckles were white as they gripped the chair. He was leaning forward in anticipation of the coming event.

With an easy movement Sirius took his top off, and slowly used it to wipe the sweat of his body. He drew Remus's eyes downwards with his movement, until he finally threw the top away. He ran his hands over his torso, teasing Remus a little more before he allowed one hand to make the slow decent towards his waist. Remus was breathing so heavily now that his chest was heaving under his top. Sirius dipped one finger below the waistline of his trousers. Then another. His other hand undid the first button of his trousers, pulling it as far from his body as possible. His erection was throbbing and obvious under the slight material. He felt the cloth give, as the second button released him even more. Sirius dipped his hand further under the material and he heard Remus gasp 'oh god' under his breath, his eyes were closed, and he was shaking. Come to me, love, make me explode.

As Sirius undid the next button, Remus bolted from the chair. He grabbed Sirius with such a force that they ended up crashing against the other wall, but neither cared. Their hands were all over each other. Sirius pulled off Remus's robe and shirt. He needed to run his hands all over Remus's bare flesh. Sirius could feel the cold marble against his back in contrast to the hot electric flesh of his lover. They both had their trousers on, but it didn't take long until they were naked against each other; bodies pressed together; hips grinding against hips, their erections throbbing between them. Sirius moved his hand down Remus's chest, but Remus caught it and held it back against the wall with a feral power. Sirius groaned in protest, but soon succumbed to Remus. 

Remus was now moving, moving them. He guided Sirius towards the pool, and down the steps, until warm waves of foamy water washed over both of them. Remus pushed Sirius up against the corner of the pool, and finally released his hands. He pinned Sirius in by placing his hand on either side of his lover, and continued kissing him. Sirius pushed into the kisses. He pressed his own back again the pool wall, and wrapped one leg around Remus's hip, bringing him closer to him. He could feel the water lubricating their bodies. He felt the grasp of Remus's hand around his cock and he broke away gasping.

"Oh God, Remus!" he exclaimed, as the grip tightened and began undulating to the waves of the water. "Oh God!" Sirius smacked his arms down on the sides of the pool for leverage and somehow his hands found two of the taps. He grasped them in an effort to release the intensity flowing through his body. It didn't work! He'd never – felt – anything – like – _this_ – before.

Sirius pulled his other leg up, and wrapped it around Remus other hip, clamping onto him. He was being supported by Remus and the water. He didn't think he would have been able to support himself anyway.

Remus's grip moved excruciatingly slowly up and down Sirius's cock. Sirius knew Remus was teasing him. He knew that his body would continue tensing and relaxing as the pleasure shot through him. He felt the corner of the pool dig into his ribs but he didn't care. Remus pushed in to kiss him again, claming his lips, biting them and pulling at them. As Remus pulled away their eyes locked again. They were panting in unison. There was such pure desire, lust, hunger, need, and want, in those eyes; it took Sirius's breath away. He could hear Remus saying, almost in a whisper, 'Slowly... slowly...' as his hand moved between them. 

"Ah!" Sirius exclaimed as he felt another shot of pleasure. "Faster." But Remus shook his head, completely in control of the situation, of Sirius; never taking his eyes of his partner. Sirius could feel Remus's cock pressed against him; right between his cheeks. Sirius could feel Remus's raging red hardness pressed to his body. Needing to be released, needing an orgasm. 

Sirius gasped louder as Remus ran his thumb over the tip of Sirius's cock. His eyes locked with Remus's again. He was sure he saw a sadistic glint flash through them. Oh, you are enjoying this, aren't you, Sirius thought as another wave of pleasure hit him and he screamed out this time. Remus grasped his cock tighter and took Sirius's balls in his other hand. Make me come, make me come, make me come! Sirius's body shuddered as he felt the hot shooting waves of orgasm begin in his balls. "Oh God."

With that, Remus released his grip and ducked under the water. Sirius felt Remus's mouth descend onto his throbbing cock. In that second, his whole body exploded from the centre out. His head flew back, his arms and hands stiffened, his back arched, his hips jerked forward, and his seed shot into Remus's mouth.

"Oh!Remus!Fuck!Fuck!Fu-ck!" Sirius exclaimed in quick succession, as he felt his whole body react to the shock of the orgasm. A moment later, Remus's head appeared from the water, his hair plastered to his face, and a smile big enough to drown in.

"Better?" he asked coquettishly.

Sirius looked at him in surprise. How could such a quite, unassuming young man like Remus evoke such a powerful response in him? 

"No idea," Sirius said, shaking his head in disbelief. Remus moved towards him and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. It was a completely different kiss to the one they had shared earlier. Like always, Remus seemed sated after their trysts.

"I hurt you?" Remus asked, seeing the red skin on Sirius's wrist where he had held his lover back.

"No," Sirius said placing a kiss on his lips, "never." Another, slower kiss. "Your turn now," Sirius said with a smile, but was met with a confused look. Remus always refused in the past, but not tonight, not after that! "Do I have to spell it out, Moony?" Sirius said, indicating downwards with his eyes.

"You don't have to," Remus responded with a shake of his head.

"I want to," Sirius implored.

"No, I mean – you don't have to," Remus stated, "I already," suddenly shy, "I came." 

"What?" Sirius asked, not understanding what Remus was saying.

"I came," Remus said, wiping a stand of wet hair out of his eyes, "I always do with you." He didn't meet Sirius's eyes for a moment. "Maybe it's a wolf thing, I don't know." Sirius reached his hand up and turned Remus's face to meet him. "You've been a little preoccupied in the past to notice." Remus smiled slightly.

"I'm not sure if I believe you," Sirius said with a slow smile.

"What do you want, proof?" Remus said incredulously.

"Maybe," Sirius said as he shoved his hand under the water. Remus jumped back.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked in amused surprise.

"Just checking," Sirius said cheekily, moving towards Remus again. Remus grabbed Sirius's hands and held them out of the water.

"You're just going to have to learn to trust me, Sirius Black." Remus glared.

"Oh, but I do, Remus Lupin." Sirius replied, pushing Remus back against the poolside, "I just – want – proof." Sirius placed a soft, smiling kiss onto Remus's lips and it took only a few moments before Remus released his hands and snaked his arms around Sirius's waist. 

"Hmm," Remus murmured, after they had pulled apart. "I like this."

"What?" Sirius asked, resting his head against Remus's wet shoulder. He kissed the wet skin tenderly and tasted bath foam mixed with sweat.

"Post-coital," Remus said, and Sirius laughed gently on his shoulder. "_What_ is so funny?"

"Remus Lupin saying post-coital." Sirius lazily picked up his head and brushed Remus's hair back from his eyes. "Remus Lupin _being_ post-coital."

"It's your fault," Remus said with easy accusation.

"Hmmm," Sirius said, "I'm still getting used to that." He smiled happily and they kissed again.

They didn't get out of the water until their skin had begun to prune. They wrapped the large white towels around themselves as they dried off.

"These are nice," Remus said absently.

"We could get some," Sirius said, "for our place." Remus looked at him and held back a laugh.

"Along with matching robes?" Remus asked teasingly, but Sirius played along.

"Mmm hmm," Sirius said, wrapping his arms around Remus. "And when we get old, we'll slow dance together in them on our back porch at sunset." He started to sway as he talked. "You'll remind me to pay the bills and I'll push your glasses back up when they slip down."

"I'll wear glasses?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Sirius predicted. "It'll be from reading too many books, but I won't mind because you'll be able to explain everything to the kids."

"Kids!" Remus laughed. "Do I have to explain simple biology to you, Sirius?"

"James and Peter's kids, then," Sirius continued unperturbed, taking one of Remus's hands in his and leading the dance. "We can feed them too much chocolate, and tell them _horrid_ ghost stories, before packing them home to mum and dad."

"They'll love us for that!" Remus said dryly, but Sirius continued.

"Then we'll go to our bedroom and climb into our own double bed."

"Four poster?" Remus asked, allowing himself to be taken in.

"Of course," Sirius said, spinning the two of them around, "but we won't have curtains because it'll be our house, our bed. No need to hide anywhere. We can just be together, just be." He placed another kiss on Remus's lips.

"I never would have believed it," Remus said with a half smile, "Sirius _Black_ is a hopeless romantic."

"Not hopeless," Sirius said, moving closer to Remus. "_Never_ hopeless."

It was past midnight when they finally made it back to the Gryffindor Tower, hurriedly running down corridors to avoid the watchful eyes of Mr. Filch. They hopped through the portrait hole and found the common room strangely deserted for them. Despite the late time, they had still expected to see one or two other Gryffindors to make excuses to.

They made their way up the stairs to the seventh year's dorm room. Just as they reached the door, Sirius pulled Remus back towards him, giving him a last kiss.

"Thank you," Sirius whispered as they pulled apart.

"For what?"

"For tonight," Sirius said. "For everything," he brushed his hand across Remus's cheek. "For you."

Sirius stared at Remus and he felt like he was getting lost again. He would have stayed there forever if he could. Maybe it was true, he thought, maybe Sirius Black was a hopeless romantic.

***

Sirius spent the next week on a high. It felt like he and Remus were finally together; finally getting somewhere. There was only one nagging thought at the back of his mind. Why was Remus always so determined to be the dominant of the two? It made him feel like Remus didn't want Sirius to touch him. Sirius's mind told him this wasn't true, but why hadn't he allowed Sirius to repeat what they had done on their first night together? 

Sirius sat back in his chair and stretched his arms into the air. Professor Binns's classes always had a tiring effect on him. Wake up! He told himself. It wouldn't do him any good to get into more trouble this week. 

Sirius turned his head and caught the sight of Remus bent over quill and parchment. Sirius couldn't help but smile. Chocolate locks hid honey eyes from view, but Sirius was sure they had an intense look of concentration. Remus took his studies so seriously it was scary. He spent most of his time reading one book or another. Sirius was sure that if Remus had been put in a different house, or even had come to Hogwarts a year later, there wouldn't have been any fun in the young werewolf's life. 

The full moon was tonight, and still Remus was intent on taking his usual high standard of notes in every class. Sirius hardly knew where he got the energy.

Almost instinctively, Remus's eyes lifted from his parchment and met Sirius's. They smiled so easily at each other it was like an artist had just run his glowing brush over their lips. 

Remus raised his eyes in a simple communication to his partner, 'Get back to work!' Sirius stubbornly refused until Remus communicated that there would be a reward for him if he did. Sirius picked up his quill and, with unknown vigour, transcribed every note that Professor Binns wrote.

***

Sirius shovelled the last mouthful of food through his lips before gulping back some pumpkin juice. 

"Have you never heard of table manners?" Lily asked disgustedly as Sirius tried to keep his lips shut as he chewed. It was an interesting battle to watch. He shook his head at Lily in response and prodded his finger towards the doors to the Great Hall to indicate he was leaving. 

"You'll be sorely missed," James frowned as he wiped a piece of mashed potato from his face, which had just flown from Sirius mouth. Sirius just smiled and left.

"What's up with him today?" Lily asked when Sirius had left the table.

"Dunno," James replied once he had removed the offending piece of food. "Suppose it's just because of tonight. He's starting to get more moody then Moony. Bloody time of the month!"

Lily looked suitably appalled until James apologised for the statement. She melted easily.

"So you're going out tonight, then," she whispered. 

"Yeah," James shrugged easily, "couldn't go last month, so..."

Lily fidgeted with her spoon for a moment, while James cut up his steak.

"James?"

"Hmm," came the mumbled reply.

"You are careful – I mean – it's very dangerous. You really don't know what could happen if things got out of control."

James's head snapped up from the table and he looked at Lily in surprise.

"Remus isn't dangerous, Lily," James frowned.

"I'm not talking about _Remus_," Lily corrected, "but you go into the _forest_... _That's_ dangerous. I asked Professor Kettleburn about it and..."

"You went to Kettleburn!?"

"I just asked him about what lived in the forest. That's all."

James raised his eyebrows in interest. "And what did he say?"

"Well... he gave me a funny look, then said that there were things in there that had _no_ place on a school grounds."

James laughed. "I bet Kettleburn never even went in there. You should have asked Hagrid instead." He continued eating his meal.

"Hagrid?"

"Yeah. He usually keeps an eye on them all. The trolls can be a bit overenthusiastic, but the rest of the animals are usually friendly." James let out a laugh. "There's a Demiguise in there that loves nothing more than playing hide and seek. Of course, he can make himself invisible so it's not really _fair_."

Lily tried to laugh but it was impossible. She could feel the fear gripping her heart. The thought of losing James was unbearable. He looked up from his plate with a lopsided grin. His hair was a complete mess and he had never looked more attractive. She could feel tears welling in her eyes but she didn't know why. 

James saw the worry on her face and his smile faded.

"Lily, we are very careful. You don't need to-"

"I know, I know," she choked out under the noise of the Great Hall, "but I can't help it, James. There's something about that forest. Something about you going out at full moon, that worries me. And it's not Remus," she pre-empted his thoughts. "I don't know what it is."

James lifted his hand to comfort her. "Lily, I'm as safe out there as I would be if I was locked in one of Balatro's dungeons. Safer! Remus, Peter and Sirius take care of me. We take care of each other." His lightened his voice. "I've never been hurt before, have I?" Lily shook her head. "I'll be fine; tonight will be like every other full moon." This didn't seem to ease Lily's fears. "Okay," James conceded, "How about if I promise not to go into the forest. Would that make you feel better?"

"I can't ask you to do that, James. You have to do what Remus needs."

"You're not asking, Lily," James eased. "I don't want you to worry, okay?"

Lily finally seemed to agree, but she could still feel the weight of ice in her stomach that wouldn't shift even at James's promise

***

Sirius pushed open the door to the seventh year Gryffindor boys' room and bounded over to Remus's bed.

"Don't even think about it, Black," his friend sternly warned, "I have to get this finished, and _you_ will only distract me." Remus pointed his quill accusatorially at Sirius and watched as the smile fell from his face.

"But Moony," Sirius pleaded, "we've got the place to ourselves." He tried to slink up onto the other boy's bed. "It would be a pity to waste it."

"NO!"

Sirius pouted, "You're no fun when the moon is high."

"_Sirius_, I've got about twenty minutes to finish this essay, and you want to play 'Hunt the sausage'." 

"But I'm bored," Sirius pleaded yet again.

"Then go find James," Remus answered curtly without looking up from his parchment.

"James doesn't like playing 'hunt the sausage' with me." Sirius tried pouting, and panting; pleading, and begging; but there was no moving Remus. Finally, he stood and made his way to the door.

"Keep rejecting me and Padfoot might have to find a new playmate." Sirius teased as he opened the door.

"No one would put up with you," Remus replied dryly. Sirius smiled in spite of himself. He didn't want anyone else. Remus would do just fine, thank you very much.

"When are you going down to the Shack?"

"Twenty minutes, Sirius!" Remus replied, his quill frantically running across the parchment.

"I'll see you down there," Sirius told him and Remus grunted impatiently in reply.

Sirius stood for a moment watching Remus work, and then he crossed the room, lifted Remus's chin, and kissed him gently. Sirius felt the tension melting from the shoulders of the other boy.

"You better behave yourself tonight," Remus said softly when they finally pulled apart.

"Never," Sirius replied, with a twinkle in his eyes. He finally walked out of the room, confident in the knowledge that Remus's eyes were fixed on his withdrawing arse.

***

When Sirius returned to the dorm nearly an hour later, his mood was completely different. James and Peter's eyes snapped up when they heard the creaking of the door. What met their gaze was a sight they never believed they would see.

Sirius stood in the doorway, his face white with fear and his body shaking. There was a light slickness to his skin and James soon realised it was a cold sweat.

"Sirius, what is it? Why aren't you in the Shack?" 

Sirius didn't answer. His body seemed to move involuntarily until he was sitting on the end of his bed, his head held in his hands.

"Sirius?" James asked again, "What's wrong?"

Sirius raised his head and James realised that his friend's hands were shaking badly. The bespectacled boy quickly kneeled in front of Sirius and looked up at him.

"What happened? Is it Remus?" 

"I don't – I don't know why – he just, he wouldn't stop, and I said it – I told him before I even knew what I'd said. – oh God."

"Who?" James asked again, prying Sirius's hands away from his face. "Who are you talking about?"

Sirius looked up and met James's searching eyes. He tried to pull himself together, but the fear was building inside of him, settling in his chest like a weight.

"Sirius, for fuck's sake, just tell me what happened." James was almost shouting now, the fear he could see in Sirius's eyes piercing his chest.

"S – Snape."

"What about him?

"I told him – I told him about the Willow."

James stared at his friend, horror gripping him tighter, and tried to figure out exactly what Sirius was saying. Surely, he didn't mean? He hadn't told Snape how to get passed the Willow? How to get to the Shack?

"What!" James said in a frightened whisper.

"I don't know how... I just..."

"You have to go after him. You have to tell him it was a joke, or a prank, or _something_." James was on his feet now, speaking erratically. "He can't go through, he can't see Remus. What the _hell_ were you thinking, Sirius? We have to go, come on!"

But it was obvious Sirius wasn't thinking. He was shivering now, unable to move.

"Get up, Sirius." No movement. "Sirius Black if you don't get on your feet now, I'm going to kick the shit out of you." Still nothing, except the convulsing fear apparent in Sirius's shoulders.

"Fine!" James finally exclaimed, "But you're going to pay for this Sirius. I just hope that slimy bastard is okay."

A moment later and James had left the room, dragging his invisibility cloak after him. Sirius watched the door shut, his eyes fixed. He was unable to feel anything but the long fingers which where churning inside his stomach. 

"How could you do it, Sirius?" Peter's small voice floated over from the other side of the room. "How could you betray Remus." 

Sirius's eyes fell on those of the smaller boy. They were full of hurt and sorrow. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but there was nothing he could say. The reason behind his actions was unexplainable. Even to himself.

He fell back on his bed and curled up. Please, run fast James. Make sure nothing happens to Remus. He'll never forgive me, but just make him be okay. 

Sirius lay on the bed, clutching the covers between his fingers and praying like he had never done before.

***

Author's Note: Anyone interested in receiving an email when I update this story, just send an message to lovegrrl_in@hotmail.com or – even better – review the story and leave me your email address.


	5. Chapter Five: Broken heart and mending b...

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Five: Broken heart and mending bones 

***

Author's Note: Thank you to all those who have reviewed and have been waiting a long time for this chapter. I can blame it on a lot of things (bad computer, bad Microsoft. Bad viruses and bad coffee) but at the end of the day, it's here so let's all share a group hug and wish our poor little pups the best.

This has to be dedicated to my beautiful, talented and diligent beta, Abinikai. Who managed to beta this even though she had so much else to do. I thank you.

Anyone interested in receiving an email when I update this story, just send a message to lovegrrl_in@hotmail.com or – even better – review the story and leave me your email address.

Lastly to Queen P, who thinks I have become too obsessed... Never!

***

The morning sun spiked through the boarded windows of the Shack, causing strips of harsh light to paint its battered walls. On the large bed in the upstairs room, Remus J. Lupin was slowly waking up. His body screamed in pain before he had even opened his eyes. Behind his eyelids, his head was swimming and dizzy. 

This had been a bad one.

He tried to stay still for as long as possible, but his mind knew it was no good. He _had_ to move! He had to wake up, and stumble back to school. He was in masses of pain. 

Something was wrong. 

He reached a tentative hand across the bed to stir one of his companions. Cold, wet sheets met his touch. He frowned instinctively, before the action stabbed pain into his forehead. _Had they gone back to the castle already? A sniff of the air revealed only the stale smell of dog and nothing more. He had been __alone last night!_

A noise downstairs reminded him that Madam Pomfrey would be in the room in mere moments. He managed to turn his body slightly, even as his muscles throbbed and clawed at him to stop, so that the sheet covered him completely. The last thing he wanted, even in his current state, was to be completely starkers when the Hogwarts' nurse made it to the room.

His body felt like it had been pulled through a meat grinder. It was worse then it had been in a long time, but then, if he had been alone it was hardly unexpected. But it was surprising. 

He fought against the groaning stiffness in his right shoulder to pull the sheets up his chest, just as he heard Madam Pomfrey reaching the top steps. It was strange that after nearly seven years, he was still shy in front of her. She had seen him at his worst; when the pain was so unbearable that he had been unable to stay conscious. She had treated him through torn ligaments and broken bones, and still he couldn't willingly let her see what she had come to expect every month.

As his hand fell onto his chest, he found a sticky warmness. Confused, he lifted it up and, for the first time that morning, opened his eyes.

_Blood_!

He gasped at the sight, feeling his eyes swim before him. How could there be blood? His eyes scanned the bed sheets and the room around him. They were _all_ coated with the drying redness. 

The door scratched open, and Remus's eyes fell onto the usually efficient face of his nurse. What met his gaze was not the face he had become accustomed to. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she looked at the sight in front of her. She clamped her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a gasp. Her face was pale and shocked.

Did he look that bad?

Madam Pomfrey took a moment to steady herself. She lowered her gaze from Remus, and used her hands to straighten her already perfect uniform. A moment later, she was standing besides the bed, casting various charms over her patient. Her face, however, was still pale, and she wore a pained expression as the charms took effect.

Remus looked down at his chest and realised why. Her first charm had simply removed the sticky blood from his body. Now, plainly visible, were the gashes that ran across his chest. From the stains on the sheet, he could tell his lower half was probably just as mutilated. He looked up at the women by his bedside. The sunlight was behind her, and it was difficult to make out her expression.

"Madam Pomfrey...?" Remus whispered hoarsely through the pain. She turned to look at him for a moment, her lips tight, but soon turned away to retrieve his robes. 

"Quickly," she said, as she helped his damaged body to its feet and into his clothes. "We need to get you to the castle." Remus understood the words, but could hardly process them. He was weak and tired. "I'm going to perform Mobilicorpus."

"No!" Remus gasped. "I can walk."

"You can hardly _stand_, Mr. Lupin!" she snapped in her usual bossy tone, and before Remus knew it, he was floating gently off the floor. Part of him felt relieved, he really couldn't make it all the way to the castle without inflicting even further damage on his body, but it was embarrassing to be in such a vulnerable state. 

"Wait," he said before lapsing to the darkness, "my necklace."

Madam Pomfrey looked around the room before her eyes fell onto a small figure of a dog. He was sitting on a table right next to the bed, completely unharmed. She picked up the necklace and placed it in her pocket. 

Soon they were making their way down the long tunnel that led to the Whomping Willow entrance. Maybe it was the bobbing motion of the Mobilicorpus spell, or the fact that Remus's body was already so tired, but within a few moments, he had fallen asleep.

***

"Erm... Madam Pomfrey?" The sound of a young voice stirred Remus from his slumber.

"What is it, William? Why are you out of bed?"

"Professor McGonagall sent me." The boy explained quickly, and then stopped. He was obviously uncomfortable under the nurse's firm gaze. "She said... once Remus was feeling better... h-he was to go to the headmaster office." Remus's eyes snapped open and stared at the boy. He couldn't be more than a second year. The youngster's face was turning scarlet with worry under hair of the same colour.

"_What_! That is ri_diculous."_

"S-she said it was important," he stammered, wringing the corner of his robes in his hands. Remus would have laughed if he'd had the energy. His fate lay in hands of a _child_. It was hilarious.

Madam Pomfrey sighed despairingly, "Very well." She shooed the young Gryffindor out of the room, and handed Remus a small vile of liquid. "This won't last long." She said as he swallowed back the cerulean draught. "But it will give you some strength to walk, at least."

She still had to support him as they made their way to the headmaster's office, but Remus felt better than he had all morning. Borrowed strength was better then none at all.

On walking into Dumbledore's office, however, any sense of happiness fell from his face and a leaden weight dropped into his stomach. 

There were three chairs facing the old wizard. In them sat the forms of James, Sirius, and... _Snape_!

Why the hell was Snape here… and where was Peter?

Remus's mind snapped back to the Shrieking Shack. 

Blood!

Oh _God..._ the blood had been everywhere. Why hadn't he realised it at the time? It was _too much blood to be from just once person. Maybe he had ripped himself apart, but not before he had done it to..._

"_Peter_." It came out in a whisper. Remus felt his body begin to crumble. He must have... there was no other explanation. He must have... killed Peter.

He fell back, and unexpectedly there was a chair behind him, but it gave him no comfort. "Oh God."

"Ah yes... Mr. Pettigrew," Dumbledore's voice reached his ears with its usual calm. "I believe he is in the Gryffindor Tower, no doubt resting."

Dumbledore's eyes fell onto James, who nodded a short reply.

Remus felt his body collapse in relief. Peter was safe. The young werewolf's hands reached up to his eyes trying to hold back the release they needed. Madam Pomfrey fussed at the gesture.

"Albus, I must insist. The boy is not well." She held the back of Remus's chair in a further effort to support the weak Gryffindor.

"Indeed, Poppy, but I fear this must be dealt with _sooner rather then later." Remus looked up at the grey hair wizard, his curiosity sparked. _

Something had happened. Something involving James, Sirius, and Snape, that was obvious. A prank, perhaps, but what would this have to do with him? 

"There was an incident last night," Dumbledore began, "an incident which we have all tried to prevent, myself included, but nonetheless it came to pass." Dumbledore rose from his seat and walked around his desk. "A _stu_dent became aware of the purpose of the Whomping Willow. That it was not just a violent shrub, but masks a secret passageway. That student, unfortunately, acted on this information, putting not only _himself at danger, but a __great many others as well."_

Remus noticed the sneer on Snape's face. He did it! Remus felt himself recoil at the thought. Snape was not his closest friend, but Remus never wanted him dead. He never wanted the Slytherin's blood on his hands.

"Had it not been for Mr. Potter's speed, the disaster may not have been avoided." Dumbledore's voice did not show pleasure at this thought. "_Nonetheless_, the fact still remains that _three_ more students have knowledge that should _never_ have been divulged to them. The question must be asked of what else has been revealed."

Dumbledore's eyes fell on Remus, they did not hold the usual calm that most people associated with the headmaster, but a hardness that was difficult to withstand. This is it, Remus thought; he'd endured seven years only to fail in his last term. 

"I -" Remus started, but was unable to tell the truth. He couldn't say those words and feel the trust in Dumbledore's eye die. Remus looked away.

"He should be _expelled_," Snape snarled, his voice dripping with anger. "They all..." The headmaster's eyes snapped onto the Slytherin and he stopped mid sentence. Once Snape was silenced, Dumbledore turned back to Remus.

"I would like an answer, Remus," the headmaster directed. "Your fellow students seem unwilling to divulge more then what I witnessed myself, and I am rather against deciding a punishment unless I have all the facts in my posess-"

"We figured it out," James blurted suddenly, "Remus never told us anything. We – we just put it all together, then confronted him with it." James stopped and looked at Remus. "He's our friend, Professor. We were worried about him."

Behind him, Remus heard Madam Pomfrey sniff at these words. Dumbledore nodded and seemed to believe the explanation.

"Accepted, but that does not explain why Mr. Black felt the need to pass on the information."

Remus jerked in his seat. Up until now, he hadn't thought of how Snape had figured it out, but he realised that the Slytherin _must have been told. __No one in their right mind would go near the Whomping Willow otherwise. But no, not Sirius... _

Remus's eyes flew to the downcast head of black hair on the far side of James. Dumbledore had gotten it wrong. Sirius would never do that. 'But Dumbledore never gets it wrong!' a little voice said inside his head. 

Well, he bloody well had this time! 

"It..." Sirius started, his gaze transfixed by the floor of the headmaster's office. "It was a mistake."

Remus stared at him. Willing Sirius to raise his head and smile like it had all been a joke. Hoping he was in some post transformation nightmare, that he would wake from any moment.

"Sirius...?" he said lightly. Just meet my eyes. Meet my eyes and I'll know it's all a lie. I'll know that you never told Snape.

James looked from Sirius to Remus. "I'm sorry, Remus," he said softly. Remus heard Snape let out an exasperated sound, but he couldn't focus. He felt his stomach jump into his mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick." It was all he could say as his hand shot to his mouth. A moment later, he was retching all over Professor Dumbledore's rug.

"Albus, please," Madam Pomfrey declared, "this is too much."

Dumbledore allowed her to take him, releasing James in the same breath.

Remus felt James's arm wrap around his waist as they descended the staircase. The tired boy was grateful for the support, even if he was confused.

"What was Sirius thinking?" Remus managed as they reached the last step.

"That's just it, I don't think he was," James answered. "He hasn't said a word to anyone since last night."

"Except to Dumbledore," Remus corrected, just as he stumbled over the stone corridor.

"Well, yeah, but you can't exactly ignore Dumbledore, can you?"

The three carried on in silence until they reached the corridor leading to the Gryffindor Tower. Madam Pomfrey stopped and turned to James.

"I think I can handle it from here, Mr. Potter."

"I'm going to the infirmary," James said easily, turning to take another step.

"Mr. Potter, I hardly think..."

"After what has happened in the last twenty four hours, I don't think another reprimand is going to make me feel any worse," James said and almost single-handedly supported Remus's weight on his shoulders. "I'm _going to the infirmary!_

"Well, really!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, but took her position on Remus's other side without further protest.

***

Remus was so badly injured that it took days for the healing spells to do their work. During it all, Remus lay in his hospital bed trying not to think about what happened. James would bring his homework. Peter would smuggle in extra food from the kitchens, but Sirius wasn't by his side, and that hurt more than Remus wanted to admit.

"He wants to come," Lily told Remus on the third day, "I've even caught him hanging around outside the door, but I think he's worried about what happened."

Remus stared at Lily. "Oh well, _why should he be worried? He only tried to turn me into a murderer."_

"Remus!" 

She didn't get a reply. Remus turned his back on Lily and pushed his face into the pillow. They all wanted him to forgive Sirius. All of them! 

A week went by, and Remus was still in his sickbed. That was until Madam Pomfrey came marching down the isle, pulled back the covers, and threw his robes at him.

"Up you get," she ordered, before turning away.

"What?" Remus panicked. "But I'm not better."

"You are _perfectly_ fine," she replied, "physically at least, and I won't have you taking any longer recovering in my ward. Now you either go back to your dorm or explain to Professor McGonagall why exactly you think you warrant any longer under my care." She turned on her heels and marched away.

Remus dragged on his robes. It was true he felt a lot better, but he couldn't stand the thought of having to go back to classes. Not now that Snape knew. Dumbledore had assured him of Snape's silence, but what was that worth?... The promise of a Slytherin...

***

A few heads raised as Remus clambered back into the Gryffindor common room. He didn't want to talk to any of them. He was glad when he reached his dorm to find only James and Peter talking to each other. They welcomed him back, like a long lost brother, before Remus sat wearily on his own bed. He was glad Sirius wasn't here. He couldn't face the black haired boy just yet.

It was not Remus's day, however, because a few minutes later, Sirius pushed open the door. 

He was grunting under his breath about something Professor Balatro had done, when his eyes fell onto Remus's form. His face instantly brightened – he didn't smile, but it was hiding under the surface nonetheless.

"Remus!" Sirius said breathlessly, hoping it didn't sound too impassioned.

Remus's eyes snapped up and met his friend's, anger flashing in them before he turned away.

"Aren't – aren't you going to talk to me?" Sirius stumbled, taking a few steps into the room.

"Why?" Remus questioned harshly. "So you can tell Snape about it?"

Sirius's face fell and his eyes creased with confusion.

"Jesus, Remus, do you think I did that on purpose?"

"I don't know," Remus spat, standing to face Sirius, "_did you?"_

Sirius looked liked he'd been slapped in the face. It took him a moment to recover, but when he did, he was riled.

"You little prick," Sirius took another step. "What do you think? I'm sneaking off to cavort with the Slytherins?

"I've heard of worse secrets."

"_Secrets_!" Sirius repeated, his eyes wide. "I've kept more _secrets_ for you than anyone I know, Remus Lupin."

"Not the one's that count."

"Guys," James tried to interrupt, but it was impossible.

"_What_... so some secrets _don't count_?" Sirius asked angrily. "Some, you can just _forget about?_"

"They only _count_ when they _mean_ something." Remus barked. "Obviously, _you_ never meant it."

"You bloody know that's not true," Sirius said, pushing James away from them. "I _meant_ every word."

"You know what, Black," Remus hit back; "you can kiss my ass for all it means _now_."

"Fuck you, Remus!"

Remus was panting heavily, his blood boiled and his hands were clenched to fists. Remus was going to hit _him. He was going to kick the shit out of __him._

Remus lurched forward and ripped open the dorm-room door. It smashed against the wall as Remus crashed down the stairs. Moments later, he heard fast, heavy footsteps following him. That bloody idiot wanted more. Remus spun around, anger corsing through his whole body.

"_Fuck off, Black_!" Remus shouted at the black haired boy in front of him, causing everyone in the common room to jump in fright. But this black haired boy was wearing glasses, and a worried expression.

"Remus...?"

"I'm sorry, James." Remus managed through clenched teeth. "He's just a bloody..." _bastard_ went unsaid.

"You want to talk?"

"No." Remus replied. His hands were still shaking.

"Well I think you need to," James said, pulling him over to a table in the corner and waiting until everyone's attention had left them. "Can I ask what just happened?"

"You were there, James," Remus answered pointedly.

"Doesn't mean I know what happened." 

Remus didn't reply. The argument had been about a lot more than he was willing to talk about. Sirius had thrown their... their relationship back in his face. He had used it as a bargaining chip. 

"Look, I don't expect you to forgive Sirius straight away, but give the guy a break. He really _is_ sorry about it."

"Yeah, I can tell," Remus said dryly. "On his knees, isn't he?"

"Okay, so upstairs wasn't the best example, but I _really don't think he realised what he'd done," James explained. "Sirius is an impulsive guy, clever as hell, but reckless with it. We _know_ that."_

"Great!" Remus falsely enthused, trying to scratch his anger into the table. "So now I'm in debt to _Severus Snape_ because Sirius couldn't control his mouth."

"You're not in debt to him."

"You think he's going to keep his mouth shut, out of the goodness of his heart?"

"No," James corrected bluntly, "He'll keep it shut, because if he doesn't, he'll end up in Azkaban."

Remus's head snapped up to look at James. He was sure James had gotten it wrong. _Remus_ would end up in Azkaban, not Snape. The look on James's face, however, was resolute.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked slowly. 

James seemed to swallow back a lump in his throat before he continued.

"When I pulled him out of the Willow, he was really pissed. He thought it had been a joke." James shook his head in disbelief. "Before I knew it, he had pulled his wand, and, well..." James swallowed again. "That kind of magic... it must have shaken the wards around the castle because a moment later Dumbledore was there; disarming him."

"What kind of magic, James?" Remus asked, his voice shaking, but he knew the answer. It didn't take a genius to figure out what side of the war Snape would be fighting on.

"Cruciatus." The word came out in barely a whisper from James's lips, but the impact was immeasurable.

"Oh Jesus, James," Remus took a sharp breath and his eyes filled, "I'm so sorry."

James waved the apology. "It's not your fault, Remus."

"Yes, it is," Remus said softly, "he was frightened. He'd just seen... he'd seen me!"

"Don't try to tell me _you_ just turned Snape into a twisted evil bastard, Moony, because he was always _that."_

Remus sighed, there was no point telling James how he felt about it. Not that his friend wouldn't listen. James would listen until the owls came home, but no one could understand the workings of Remus's mind. 

"I can't believe he did that," Remus said eventually. "On school grounds and everything."

"I know," James replied. "But you know what it means?"

"What?"

"I know how effective it can be. So, if you and Sirius don't at least _act_ civilly around me, I'm going to use it on you two." 

It was meant as a joke, but Remus couldn't even raise his lips in a curve across his face. His friends had already done so much for him, and now _this_. It wasn't fair! They were meant to be safe here. Hogwarts was the one place dark magic _couldn't get to._

One thing Remus knew for sure, his life would never be the same again.

***

And so things continued for weeks. A full moon came and went, and still Remus and Sirius weren't talking. James and Peter were reduced to playing arbitrator to their friends' moods. On more then one occasion, it looked like the incident had almost been forgotten. When the Gryffindor beat Hufflepuff, making the Quidditch Cup a sure thing for Gryffindor, the House had celebrated well into the night. James was confident that such a victory would persuade his two friends to make up their differences, but come the next morning everything was back to normal – normal in the sense that Remus and Sirius were being as pig headed as before. It was infuriating.

Remus, on the other hand had hardly noticed his friend's concern. As far as he was concerned, James was, just as always, wrapped up with Lily and Quidditch and even studying for his NEWTs. Easter holidays were fast approaching and after that, it was only a few weeks until exams. This was an easy excuse for Remus to spend most of his time in the library. He _wasn't_ avoiding Sirius, he was _studying_.

"Remus?"

"Hmm," Remus replied, trying not to sound annoyed at his friend's fifth interruption in an hour.

"What is an... Occ-a-my?" Peter asked, his finger following the word as he spoke.

"It's like a snake," Remus answered, not looking up from his own page, "but with feathers and wings."

"Oh," Peter replied, impressed, "You must have read every book here." Peter looked around the towering shelves of books. "I don't know how you get through it all."

"I didn't read them _all_," Remus said, giving up the pretence of study. "Occamy's eggs are pure silver. They used to be bred by the Ministry and given to registered werewolf hunters."

Peter's face was pale at this. "Jesus."

"I know," Remus replied, his face closed from emotion. He was used to this. Perhaps the Ministry of Magic didn't hunt his kind for sport any more, but the Werewolf Registry wasn't much better.

Peter seemed to gather some of his emotion. "Full moon in another week," he said, to which Remus gave an unnecessary nod. "Are you, I mean, it falls during the holidays, so, are you going home?" It was strange, but Remus thought he saw a glimmer of hope in Peter's eyes before he answered.

"No," Remus said, turning back to his book. "It's easier if I stay here."

"Oh, right," Peter answered. "It's just, well, you know my birthday's coming, and my mum – you met her, remember – well, she wanted to throw me a party. The thing is, well, she wants to invite my aunts and that, and really, it'd be too late to wait until I finished school. So, she wants me to go home at Easter. You know, just for like a week or something. So she could have the party while I'm still like... on my birthday."

"So you're going home?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, if you don't mind. I couldn't exactly say no to my mum."

"Peter, it's okay. You're not tied to me. You can do what ever you want."

"Really?"

"Yes!" Remus said, nodding his head. Peter looked a lot more relieved. It's not like he really needed to be there anyway. The others could just use a stick to get through the Whomping Willow.

"Okay, I'll go owl her now," Peter said, pulling his books from the table. "Thanks, Remus."

Remus smiled slowly at the retreating boy. It was sweet that he'd asked permission, but Remus hated that they felt obligated to him, like a sick relative.

***

When Remus got to the corridor outside the hospital wing, he could already hear the howls of pain coming from inside. He grimaced as he turned the corner to see three Gryffindors waiting outside the door. Madam Pomfrey had obviously locked them out.

Sirius was straining to see through the small circular window beside the door, while Peter jumped nervously from one foot to the other, wringing his hands together. Sirius turned when he heard Remus's footsteps and the boys' eyes met for a moment. Both were put off guard by each other, if only for a moment, before Remus looked away. _Don't look in those eyes, Remus told himself, __they don't mean anything_ anymore_._

He sat down on the bench next to another Gryffindor.

"So what happened?" Remus asked.

"His new _broom_," Lily spat. "Bloody _Nim_bus One _Thousand... __Had to try it out, didn't he, but he couldn't just __ride it like a normal person. Oh no, not _James_ Potter. Had to take off the _safety_ charms first. It's not _fun_ if it's not dangerous!"_

Remus held back a laugh. He had seen his friend de-charming the broom only last night, and James had said the same thing; only without the venom in his voice.

"So... will he be okay?" 

Lily threw up her hands.

"What do you think?!" Lily exasperated. "It's so _typical of him. Two days before end of term and he does _this_! I swear it's deliberate. He promised he'd behave over the Easter. What will my parents think if he comes in with a broken arm or leg... or both?"_

"Y'know," Peter butted in, "I read that they have some new kind of potion that can heal bones over night."

"Yeah right!" Sirius interjected from his position at the window.

"It's true," Peter defended, "I read it in _Magical Medicinal Monthly... M-maybe Madam Pomfrey got some."_

Remus shook off his friends' conversation and turned back to Lily.

"So James is meeting your parents?" he asked in a pleased tone.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I am... I _was worried about it, but now..." her hand indicated the infirmary door before she shook her head. "Bloody idiot," she said again, but it was a resigned sigh compared to her earlier anger._

"It'll be okay," Remus comforted, putting his arm around her shoulder and giving her a squeeze. "I'm sure James'll be up and about by the time they get here."

"That's just it!" Lily said, annoyed again, "We were meant to be on the train tomorrow evening."

"What?!" Sirius jumped down from his position and faced Remus and Lily for the first time. "James is going with _you? Since when? What about the full moon?"_

Lily eyes jerked up and she stared at Sirius.

"I..." she looked lost. "I thought he told you. I mean... I'd never..." She looked from Sirius to Peter to Remus and back again. "He said it would be okay."

"Well it's _not_!" Sirius boiled, clenching his fist by his side. 

"_Yes, it is,_" Remus spat angrily at Sirius. "It _is_ okay." He shot daggers at Sirius before turning softer eyes to Lily. "It's fine... _honestly. It's important... James meeting your parents. I wouldn't want to deprive him of that... experience." Remus smiled cheekily._

"Are you sure?" Lily asked again. "I mean, Peter is going home as well so..."

"I told you Lily, it's fine. I've been on my own for the full moon before, you know." He smiled, trying to hide how painful those times had been.

"You won't be on your own!" Sirius said, stepping forward.

It took all of Remus's self-control to stop himself lashing out at Sirius. _How dare he_? After what he put Snape through and James and, even Remus, _How dare he act like it would all be the same._

"I _will_ be on my own!" Remus corrected, his voice low but resolute. Lily and Peter looked from one boy to the other. "Do not think that I would forgive you just to prevent myself some physical pain." Remus raised his eyes and met Sirius's with cold steel shining through. "_Physical_ pain means _nothing_ to a werewolf."

The two boys seemed to be facing each other down. Remus could feel his chest rise and fall as the anger coursed through him.

"It means something to you," Sirius countered, knowing what he had seen with his own two eyes. Sirius was the one person who had seen Remus in pain, not completely, but still...

"I'm used to it." Remus stared back, but he wasn't fighting anger in Sirius's eyes anymore. The fury had given way to something else completely. What it was, Remus couldn't figure out; guilt, maybe... or pity.

"I'm not having you two fighting when James isn't even here to break it up," Lily said, breaking both Remus and Sirius from there gaze. They looked at her with a slight confusion on their faces. "You think he didn't tell me?" she asked, a teasing look on her face. "_Honestly, what do you think we do all the time?"_

"You talk about us?" Sirius asked, puffing his chest out.

"Don't get excited, Black," she warned, "you're hardly top of my list."

Sirius's chest deflated a little but a smile still played on his lips when they were finally let into the infirmary.

***

Remus pulled his eyes from the classroom window when he felt someone looking at him again. Unfortunately, it was Professor Lentus. That was the third time today his mind had drifted off out the window and each time he had turned around to see the professor looking at him. He was usually very focused in class, especially Defence Against the Dark Arts, but it was the last day of term and his mind wasn't on the work.

He should be looking forward to the break; he knew that, even though after the holiday it would only be a few weeks until their NEWTs. In the back of his head, however, Remus couldn't imagine what the holidays would be like. Two weeks alone with Sirius. Not exactly his idea of a carefree vacation. A few months ago, he would have welcomed the time alone gladly.

He looked up again to see Professor Lentus staring at him. No, not staring _at_ him, it was like she was looking right through him. _I guess no one can concentrate today_, Remus thought. 

When the bell ran Remus grudgingly stood up and stuffed his books in his bag. Peter was at his side at once.

"Only two more classes," Peter said happily before his tone turned. "Of course Potions will be a bi..."

Just then, Professor Lentus called Remus over.

"If you don't mind, I'd like a word. I'll excuse you from your next class."

"But we have a test," Peter butted in. Remus could have hit him.

"On the last day of term?" the professor raised her eyebrows. Peter nodded Remus's answer.

"Let me guess... _Potions_." The sharpness was obvious, but then she sighed. "Very well, I suppose I mustn't keep you, but can you come and see me after classes?"

"Well, Professor... if it's important..." Remus started, taking a step forward to stay.

"Mr. Lupin," she smiled, "I will not have you missing an _important Potions examination. You can see me at the end of the day... unless you're going home?"_

Remus shook his head to the question and slowly left the classroom mumbling unsuccessful hexes at Peter's back.

He might have acted a little differently if he had know what the professor was about to tell him.

***


	6. Chapter Six: Turn around is fair play!

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Six: Turn around is fair play! 

***

Author's note: beta thanks for this chapter goes to Rachel, who flew in at the last minute and stopped me hitting myself over the head. 

***

The Potions exam was a disaster. Remus didn't need to exchange post-class notes with his friends to know he had gotten question five _and seven wrong. Professor Balatro had picked up Remus's finished exam paper like it was a dirty rag. It was obvious the professor had already made his mind up over what mark to give the Gryffindor. Remus grimaced; he'd be lucky to pass his Potions NEWT at this stage._

His heart didn't lighten as he was saying goodbye to James, Lily and Peter at the top of the second floor staircase. If he guessed right, Professor Lentus wanted a long chat with him. They'd probably be gone by the time he got back to Gryffindor tower. Lily had hugged Remus for a long time before winding her arm around James. Her anger from yesterday had been quickly forgiven when it turned out James only had a sprained wrist. The left one unfortunately, so he still had to sit the Potions exam.

Remus knocked on the door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor's office. There was a short pause before the door opened.

"Remus," the professor smiled widely. "Please, come in." 

Remus smiled in return, hoping that the teacher's cheerful demeanour meant he wasn't in trouble. He'd never been under the same kind of suspicion as Sirius and James. Being a prefect had given the professors a false sense of security where the young werewolf was concerned. They accredited him with more conscientiousness than they had ever given to his two dark haired friends.

As Remus sat down he noticed the clutter in front of him. On the desk, opened books were piled haphazardly on top of one another and a stack of parchments held the professor's scribbled notes.

"I was just doing some research," Professor Lentus explained as she started to tidy. 

Remus recognised some of the names on the books like, _Magical Theory and __Sites of Historical Sorcery, but right on the bottom was a huge book Remus had never seen. It was bound in green animal skin and emblazoned on the cover was the inscription: _

Guardiahs & feats sf sldeh Eire, bg Sechah Tsrreist.

Remus only had a moment to look at it before Professor Lentus bundled it into her desk drawer.

"Now," she said, moving towards the side table. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Umm... no, thank you, Professor." Remus answered, getting a little confused. Did she just want a cup of tea and a chat?

"Very well," she said and sat back into her chair once she had poured herself a cup of steaming red liquid. "I was wondering," she asked, raising her hand and pointing to Remus's chest. "May I see your pendant?"

Remus's eyes fell in surprise to see the small token hanging from his neck. He had never meant to wear it again and had not even realised he was, until that moment. 

"I understand if it's too private..."

"No," he cut in, "it's fine." Remus reached up and unhooked the chain, passing it quickly into the professor's hands.

She seemed fascinated by the creature, weighing it carefully in her hands. Her thumb ran over his head and down his dark back.

"He was a gift?" the professor asked. 

"Yes," Remus replied, and she nodded as if expecting the answer.

"From a friend?" 

Remus hesitated. Not a friend anymore.

"It's okay," the professor said easily. "You don't have to tell me." 

They sat in silence for a moment longer until Remus began to feel uncomfortably.

"Professor," Remus asked, sitting forward "W-what is this about?"

"I'm sorry, Remus," she said, a willing smile on her lips. "I wasn't sure when I saw you wearing it in class... that's why I went through my books." She shook her head again as she looked at the dog. 

"Professor?" Remus asked again, even more confused.

Professor Lentus looked up at Remus for the first time. On seeing his expression her manner changed from childlike curiosity to something much more serious.

"You do _know_ what this is, don't you, Remus?" she asked with a worried concern. "It's a Facio pendent."

A _Facio_ pendent...? No, not a Facio pendent... it was a...

"A Madra Mór," Remus said softly. The professor smiled. 

"Well," she conceded, "they have been known as that, but it's a misnomer that has sprung up over time." She looked back at the figure held in her hand. "The Facio pendent is a _very powerful piece... a rare one. They are said to come in any shape or form and can be used for both good and bad means, depending on the intent of the giver._

"This particular piece would have been designed specifically.... I _think_," she turned it over again; "I think it's based on Cuchulainn." Her brow creased as she contemplated the thoughts running through her mind.

Remus was getting more and more confused by the minute. He hadn't thought the dog was anything more than a trinket, but it turned out he was dealing with something he'd never even read about.

"I'm sorry, Professor," Remus interrupted. "I really don't understand."

Professor Lentus looked up again, suddenly realised how incomprehensible she was being.

"No, _I'm_ sorry, Remus, I'm a little overexcited," she apologised. "Let me explain properly." She put the piece down on the table and folded her hands. "One of my hobbies is ancient myths. I have come to believe that many of our earliest beliefs can be deciphered by looking at the myths that now prevail in our society. Not just the wizarding world, but the Muggle world, as well. I believe the story of Cuchulainn is one of the earliest written examples we have for the Facio charm. 

"The legend tells of a young Irish man called Setanta, who was a warrior in the army of the king of Ulster, Conor Mac Nessa. Setanta was a strong warrior and proved himself in many a battle. He was even a skilled Hurling player... which is like Quidditch but played with a stick called a Hurley," Remus nodded, having heard about the sport before. "On one particular day, the King was invited by his blacksmith, Culann, to attend a great feast. Setanta, being the King's best warrior, was also invited. He was late going to the feast however, and when he began the journey, he brought his Hurley and ball to practice on the way. He arrived at Culann's land to find the smith had released his hound to protect the property. The hound was a vicious animal and attacked the 'intruder'. Setanta hit the ball at the hound with his Hurley and it went right down the hounds throat, choking the beast.

"The noise roused the party guests and they came out to see Setanta standing over the lifeless animal. Culann was distraught. The animal had been his only means of protection. 'Who will guard my house, now?' he asked the young warrior. Setanta looked at the animal laying dead at his feet and felt a sense of duty calling him to the blacksmith's aid. 'I will guard your house,' he told the man, 'and no harm shall come to you while I do.' 

"Thus, Setanta became Cuchulainn, meaning 'the hound of Culann.'" The professor paused and took a soothing breath. "It was a noble sacrifice for the young man to make, and as a result – in myth at least – the Facio charm was born. Whether this is the true beginning of the magic involved with the charm or not, we shall never know, but it is obvious that some believe it enough to carve charms in Cuchulainn's likeness." She indicated the figure on the desk.

"But," Remus said. "What does it do?" he asked, indicating the pendent. "And why?"

"It's a sacrifice charm," she explained carefully. "A bond is created between giver and receiver... In this case; the sacrifice is made by the giver. They commit themselves to the receiver," she raised her hand to indicate Remus, "and in doing so promise to sacrifice their own welfare for that of their partner."

"They... take my pain," Remus whispered after a moment's contemplation.

"Not just pain," Professor Lentus continued. "In some cases a channel is created in which other negative emotions are transferred; anger, hate, fear. It has even been written that one life can be exchanged for another... but again, this has never been witnessed."

Remus shivered at the thought. Sirius _had to have known. With _his_ family, and his cleverness! This _couldn't_ just be a coincidence. And Sirius said at the time that it had come from Celtic legend._

"So..." Remus started, trying to decipher the story. "Setanta... He became an Animagus?"

The professor's brow tweaked at the words.

"What makes you think that?

"You said he became the hound of Culann."

"Just in name... as far as we know

"But..." Remus continued. "If he did... he would have been a dog."

"It's a possibility," she conceded, "a dog is seen as a loyal servant and protector but you must remember, the tales of Cuchulainn are so old that they were almost lost before their revival by Sechan Torpeist in the 7th century."

Remus nodded, but wasn't really listening. 

"How is the charm broken?"

"Quite simple, really," she said, picking up the small dog, "Return the gift." Remus's eyes met hers and she could feel the cold anger in them. 

"How hard are they to find?" he asked. "Could it have been given as a mistake?" he was clutching at straws, he realised that, but Sirius knew how Remus felt about this sort of thing. About the sacrifice Remus's friends had already made for him. About the pain they should never had seen, and now Sirius tries _this_. 

It explained so much; how that first transformation in February had been easier, why Sirius seemed to understand the pain, why he had spat Remus's _own_ anger back at him. Sirius had felt it all; he had absorbed Remus's own emotions.

"I wouldn't think so," she answered. "Whoever gave this to you cares very deeply about your wellbeing." She placed the item on the table in front of Remus. "They are a good friend."

"Not a friend!" Remus barked, snatching the piece from the table and much to Professor Lentus's surprise, nice unassuming Gryffindor prefect, Remus J. Lupin, stormed out of her office.

***

Remus's stalked through the unusual quite of the Gryffindor common room and a moment later the door to his room smashed open. 

In an instant he found Sirius's form lying relaxed on his bed. The noise roused the other Gryffindor and he sat up just in time to see a small black object fly passed his head; missing him by centimetres.

"You can take your _mercy_ gift back," Remus hissed through his anger. His fists clamped into balls of fury.

Sirius looked over his shoulder to where the pendent had forced a gash into his headboard. Blue eyes widened when he saw the figure lying limply on his pillow. He was lost for words.

"Don't even try to think of an excuse, Sirius," Remus warned. "I _know_ what it is! I know exactly what your little _charm_ does."

Still Sirius seemed lost for words. His mouth had dropped open but there was nothing coming out.

"What?" Remus questioned bitterly. "Didn't think I would figure it out?! Did you really think I was that stupid?"

"No!" Sirius answered quickly.

"What then?"

"I just... I didn't get the chance-"

"_What_!" Remus said in disbelief. "All those times we were alone together and you _never thought to mention what you had done. You never thought _I_ would like to know that you had... had... cursed me."_

"I never cursed you, Remus," Sirius stood up from the bed, "and _this_ is exactly why I didn't tell you. I _knew_ you'd overreact."

_"Overreact!_" Remus shouted, his eyes wide and angry. "You made yourself into a punching bag, Sirius. You used _my_ pain like it was something to be played with. How the _hell_ do you think that makes me feel?"

"I didn't want you to feel like that any-" Sirius stopped, rephrasing his thoughts. "I didn't want you to have that... pain. If _I could have taken all of it, I would have."_

"And what if something happened," Remus argued, "like what _did happen, and I had died. Would you have taken that as well?"_

"If all it meant was that _you would live instead of me..." Sirius said with determination, his eyes glistening, "then, _yes_. I would have."_

Remus stared at the boy in front of him, a boy who had just admitted more than Remus ever thought possible.

"You _blood_y idiot," Remus whispered, his anger slightly subsided. "Do you think that's what I want? Do you think I would _ever_ want you to die just to save _me_?"

Remus could see the answer in Sirius's face. 

"No," Sirius answered, "but you didn't want me to become an Animagus, either."

"That's because it was dangerous!"

"So is being a werewolf," Sirius pushed, "but you didn't have a choice."

"Exactly!" Remus exclaimed. "Sirius... you _choose to do all these things; they are dangerous and bad for you, but you _choose_ them. You can never know how helpless it is not to have that choice."_

"I _know_ what it is to be helpless, Remus. I know, because that's how I felt most of my life before I met you. That's how I _feel_ when there's nothing I can do for you."

"But you _do_... Padfoot does."

"It's not _enough_," Sirius said forcefully. "That's why I didn't tell you. I knew you wouldn't go for it and I'd never get another chance."

"So you lied to me."

Sirius lowered his head; the shame of what he had done etched across his face. "Yes," he swiped at his cheeks, "but I convinced myself it was forgivable, because I knew how you felt. I could _feel it, and it just made me more in awe of you."_

Remus shook his head in annoyance but Sirius continued.

"Not because I thought you were strong or powerful or... whatever, but because I knew how hard it was for you," Sirius paused. "How afraid it made you... but you still carried on, even through it all."

"I have to." Remus said, brushing aside the comments.

"No you don't!" Sirius retorted. "You could just give up and no one would think any less of you, but you won't... You won't because you don't agree with what 'they' say. People like my parents. You won't play into the hands of the bigots." Sirius shook his head, a flash of anger rising. "That's what they want. Little bastards like Sna-" Sirius cut the rest of the name off but it was too late. He had mentioned the one name both of them had been avoiding.

Remus looked up at Sirius but the blue eyes wouldn't meet him.

"What – why did you tell him, Sirius?" Remus implored. "What did he do?"

Sirius shook his head. He brought his hands up and pressed the heels into his eyes, trying to wipe away the wetness, and then let them settle cross his chest. He wouldn't meet Remus's eyes.

"Dumbledore asked me that," Sirius said in a low voice.

"What did you tell him?" 

"I – I told him I couldn't remember," Sirius answered. "I really _don't_ remember it... I know Snape had a go at me. He said something about Christmas, but.... I can't think what it was." Sirius raised his hand to his face. "I could feel how pissed off I was at him... and then, something else... I could feel," he turned away from Remus, "I could feel you transforming. I could feel what you went through every single moon, and at the same time Snape was acting like you were worthless... I – I guess I couldn't hold it in any longer." Sirius stopped; his head downcast.

"So it's my fault, then!" Remus said angrily.

"_What_?" Sirius spun around and stared at the furious boy.

"You said it!" Remus spat. "You said you felt _me transforming and you couldn't control yourself." Remus was really angry now. "You put a charm on me that I didn't even _know_ about, and then blame __me for the fact that it works... Jesus, Sirius, don't you ever think. What was it? Did you want to get into my head __so much that you just use the first thing that comes to mind? _God_!" Remus hit his hand on the top of his trunk. "Magic is never that simple, Sirius."_

"_I know that_!"

"Obviously!"

"_Look,_ I was stupid, I know _that_. And I can't _really explain what happened, but I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to help... it just, it backfired."_

"And now Snape knows, and James could have been-"

"I _know_!... I know," Sirius agreed, "but I-" Sirius stopped, unable to find more words. He pushed his hands over his face and pulled them through his hair. Gripping the long locks in an attempt to keep his cool.

"Sirius, you have to talk if we're going to sort this out."

"You think we can?" Sirius asked hopefully, moving towards Remus.

"I meant – as friends," Remus replied taking a step back. The distance between them was obvious. Sirius closed his eyes momentarily, but then moved back again.

"Yeah... as friends," he agreed despondently. 

Remus watched him sit back down on his bed. The boy was so dejected, but then, he deserved to be. Remus had never felt so betrayed in his life. Not only by a friend but by someone he cared about deeply. He didn't know if he could trust Sirius again. He didn't now if he was willing to risk his friendship, never mind risking his heart.

They talked into the night, not really getting anywhere. It was obvious there would be no spontaneous moment of reunion, no instant harmony. The conversation fluctuated from tired mumblings to all out shouting. They only noticed what time it was when the fob watch on Peter's nightstand chimed midnight. He was always forgetting it.

Remus rubbed a tired hand across his own face. "I guess we should go to bed," he said, feeling his eyes stinging behind his drooping lids. They had been 'talking' for so long that they had even missed dinner. Remus didn't care. He didn't think he would be able to eat anyway.

"Yeah," Sirius answered, getting to his feet from the position they had taken on the floor. "Are we... are we okay?" he asked, a silent hope echoed in his voice.

"No," Remus answered. "We're _better, but we're a long way off from being okay." Remus was so tired he didn't even have the energy to put emotion into his words any more. He pulled his clothes off and collapsed into bed. His shoulders ached. Hell, his whole body ached. It was surprising how draining just talking to Sirius could be. Well, shouting at him, as well._

Remus lay on the bed, his eyes closed, as he listened to Sirius's night time movements. Soon the other boy had gotten into bed and after ten minutes rhythmic breathing told Remus that he was asleep.

Sleep didn't come so easily to Remus. He lay on his bed as many thoughts and feelings crisscrossed through his brain. In time, he could feel the sun rise and still he did not sleep. He knew he should sleep, but it was easier this way. The longer he stayed up, the later he would sleep once the tiredness was too hard to fight. He wouldn't have to face tomorrow and the other students. He wouldn't have to deal with Sirius without the buffer of James and Peter.

The plan didn't work, however. Remus couldn't sleep. He spent the whole night letting the Whomping Willow scenario run through his head. He still didn't know what exactly had happened and Sirius's explanation really didn't shed any light on the event.

When he heard Sirius's bedclothes rustling and the familiar sound of naked feet padding across the floor, Remus figured he would have to get up. Sleep would not come with the harsh spring sun shining through the tower windows.

Sirius was splashing water on his face when Remus walked into the bathroom. Sirius smiled genially at Remus as droplets of water hung from his dark hair.

"Sleep well?" the Animagus asked.

"Yeah," Remus lied. The last thing he needed was to send Sirius on another guilt trip by telling him the truth.

Remus washed quickly and went down to breakfast. 

The Great Hall was busier then it would be at Christmas, but still the lessened din was noticeable. Many students were taking advantage of the short holiday to spend it with family. Hogwarts' students had been quite lucky in the last years and there had been few losses, but those that had come, had affected the school badly.

Remus remembered the first one. 

It had been almost two years ago now; at the end of their fifth year. They had been in the middle of a rather jovial Charms lesson when Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall came to the door. After a moment talking to Professor Flitwick, they had led Eliza McKinnon from the room.

The class had fallen into a deadly silence. Each student – whether friends with Eliza or not – had hoped that she was merely in trouble, but those who knew her had been quieter than most. 

When the brunette returned to the room, she packed her bag in silence, her breath hitching slightly. The deadly pale of her cheeks had been sickening. Remus had felt like he was going to vomit. 

When she looked up, her eyes connected with Remus's. They were brimming with tears which she _refused_ to let fall. 

Then she said something. She was saying it to the whole class really, but she looked only at Remus.

"In my heart, I think we have two choices: either we give up, or we fight for what we _know_ is right. Better to die fighting for freedom then to be a prisoner all the days of your life," she stopped. Remus could see her hands clenched into fists. "I remember that all through history the way of truth has _always won. There have been tyrants and __murderers, and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they _always_ fall."_

Eliza's mother and father had been killed; slaughtered by Death Eaters. She was an orphan with a brother, barely a year old, to protect. Louise and Monty McKinnon had been leaders in the campaign against Lord Voldemort. It looked like their daughter had inherited some of their courage and bravery. 

Remus sat down at the Gryffindor table, trying to shake the memory off. He remembered Eliza returning a few days later to finish the year, but she didn't return the next year and Remus had often wondered what had happened to her. Anyone else he would have shrugged it off, thinking they had gone into hiding or turned their back on the wizarding world, but Eliza had been so strong, so determined; even in the face of her parents' death.

As the food appeared on his plate, Remus took a long gulp of orange juice. 

It was cool and refreshing; just what he needed after a sleepless night.

"Hey," Sirius interrupted as he sat opposite Remus, staking a sausage with his knife.

Remus looked at his classmate momentarily before a small 'hello' issued from his mouth. Sirius was trying to act normally, after last night Remus guessed why, but he really wasn't in the mood for niceties.

The tired boy ate his breakfast slowly, hoping it would imbue him with the energy he lacked. Sirius chatted opposite him. He wasn't his usually animated self but it was a big difference to how they had been acting towards each other over the last few months.

Once Remus was finished he made his way to the library, hoping to get some serious study done. He found a table at the back of the vaulted room and settled in.

Arithmancy first, then Transfiguration and _Potions._

Remus pulled his books out, taking more from the shelves, and began taking notes and transcribing important number charts. He didn't look up until he heard the opposite chair scrape noisily against the floor.

"Hey," Sirius whispered in greeting as he sat down, taking out his own book and began to mimic Remus's action.

Remus watched him for a moment. Sirius was not the kind of student that actually _studied_. In fact, he seemed to do amazingly well in all his classes despite using his textbooks for playing hangman with James.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked curiously, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Studying," Sirius replied in a matter of fact tone. Remus raised a dubious eyebrow. "NEWT's are in a few weeks, Remus. You don't have a monopoly on revision." Sirius smiled cheekily before turning back to his book.

Remus regarded him for a moment longer, but then followed suit. It wasn't easy to concentrate. Even though it was still only spring, the library was stifling and the smell of the books just added to Remus's tiredness. It didn't help that every movement Sirius made seemed to be aimed in some way at getting him closer to Remus.

Does he really think he is being subtle, Remus thought when Sirius _absentmindedly_ ran his thumb across his own lower lip? It was so _obvious_. What was that expression his mother had always used?

Civil distance; everlasting friendship.

Well this was not _civil_ distance, and Sirius was definitely hoping for something more then friendship.

***

Remus shook his head again as the throbbing tiredness dug its claws into his temples. All the way to the Great Hall he'd felt like he had been walking through glue. His feet were heavy and his eyes stung with the tiredness.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked from his now perpetual position opposite Remus.

"Yeah," Remus answered groggily, trying to get the spoon of soup to his mouth, "I didn't sleep much last night."

"But this morning you said you'd slept fine," Sirius pointed out, the concern etched on his face as he lowered his cold lamb and beetroot sandwich.

Remus would have kicked himself for forgetting his past lie if he'd had the energy. Instead he shrugged his shoulders. "It's fine. I'll make up for it tonight."

Sirius frowned but Remus chose to ignore it.

"I think I'm going to take a nap," Remus said finally, standing up from the table.

***

When Remus finally bundled through the portrait hole, Sirius was right behind him. When he walked up the staircase to his dorm, Sirius was a few steps after.

Remus felt pure annoyance rise in him from this _constant shadowing. He turned and glared at Sirius standing below him._

"What are you going to do, Sirius?" Remus demanded, "Follow me into bed, as well!"

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment.

"No, I just-" the older boy did some quick thinking, "I'm going to get my broom. A bit of practice would be good."

Remus would have argued with him – he _wanted to argue with him – but it just wasn't worth the effort._

"Fine!" Remus said, stomping off into his bed. 

***

When Remus woke, it was twilight. His curtains were slightly opened and he could feel a warm body next to him. 

"What are you doing, Sirius?" Remus asked in a sleepy irritation, turning his head to meet Sirius's eyes behind him.

"You were having a nightmare," Sirius answered, pulling his hand away from Remus's waist.

Remus was about to disagree when flashes came back to him. 

Anger. Claws. Fear. Flesh. _Blood!_

"I–" Remus choked, "I have them all the time." He was trying to sound off hand but the shivering in his body betrayed his emotions. 

Sirius wiped the sweat from Remus's brow with the sleeve of his t-shirt. "I know," Sirius replied. He took longer with the gesture than was needed. 

"I – I'm fine." Remus said, pulling the covers to himself. "Go back to bed." 

Sirius didn't move. His face just became even more worried as he looked down on Remus. "Do you want me to stay?"

Remus tried to block out the warmth of Sirius next to him; the smell of his body and the upset in his eyes. "I – I think it'd be better for you to go."

Again Sirius didn't move. Remus looked up at him. He was so close, so _painfully_ close. 

"Then don't think," Sirius told his friend. He put his arm around Remus's waist and pulled him closer. 

Remus could feel his back press into Sirius's stomach. He could feel the warm breath of Sirius against his shoulder. It was not about sex or fighting or trying to be angry at someone who had hurt you. It was just about being together. So he hadn't fought it. And he didn't fight it, when the next night, he woke to find Sirius in his bed again, or the next, or the next. When the Full moon came Remus woke, unharmed, cradled in Sirius's arms. 

And so they continued. During the day, Sirius would haunt Remus's movement, often sending the werewolf into fits of anger leading to all out screaming matches. And at night, Remus would wake in those arms again.

He got so used to it that he almost dreaded the end of the holidays, but they came anyway. 

It would be their last night alone together. Remus felt the involuntary shake of his right hand. It did that sometimes, usually when he was upset or overly anxious, and he wouldn't even notice it until he looked down and saw it dancing away. Like some alien puppet had been attached to his arm.

He shoved his hand under the pillow, willing himself to relax. Soon he heard movement as Sirius returned from the bathroom. It was strange, Remus thought as Sirius walked in door, it was well known that Sirius usually slept in nothing but his own skin, but all during the Easter holidays he had worn boxers and a t-shirt in bed. Of course he had spent most nights in Remus's bed so maybe Sirius Black was trying to be considerate.

Remus laughed at the thought, earning him a confused look from his dorm mate.

"What's so funny?" Sirius asked, his face frowning.

Remus shook his head. He really wasn't ready to share those thoughts with Sirius just yet.

Remus watched as Sirius padded over to the nightstand and poured a tall glass of water from the glass water jug. It had been silver in their first year but that had been thoughtfully replaced by some all-too-intelligent house elf.

Sirius smacked his lips together as he finished the glass and wiped his mouth along the back of his arm.

God, how could this man be so infuriating and so... _Sirius, at the same time. _

Remus watched as Sirius made his way back to his own bed. He was pulling back the covers. He was about to get in.

This was their last night together. Their _last night!_

"You can–" Remus started, but he lost all words when Sirius's eyes lifted to meet his own. They stared at each other. Remus's chest was acting erratically. His heart was thumping so hard he thought it would break out of his body and scurry away. 

Sirius swallowed nervously, understanding the severed words all too well. Slowly, he replaced his covers. Standing up again, Remus noticed Sirius seemed to be unsteady on his feet. They were carrying him, but his toes curled against the floor, as if it burned them. It took him an eternity to reach Remus's bed.

Remus knew it wasn't just his hand now. His whole body was shaking, and he wasn't sure why. 

Sirius stood over his bed, looking for all intents and purposes like he was expecting the ground to swallow him.

Somehow Remus managed to get his body to work, and his left hand reached across and pulled the covers back on the opposite side of the bed. 

Sirius looked down at Remus, still asking permission. It was granted without words, and Sirius lowered himself gently into the bed and underneath raging red cover.

The two boys looked at each other, searching for something to explain how they were meant to be feeling, what they were _meant to do._

Remus was the first one to reach out. His fingertips burned as his left hand nervously traced a line from Sirius's forehead, down his cheek, to his jaw. Sirius's resolve was crumbling under the touch, and his face fell in on itself. 

Remus tried to soothe him. He knew how important this was, what it meant. His own emotions had been in tatters for months; wanting his friend, _needing_ him, but not knowing if he could ever trust him again.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said in an almost incoherent gasp.

"Shhhh," Remus hushed, "it's okay."

Sirius shook his head despite Remus consolation, "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm so sorry." The words continued, becoming unrecognisable from small murmurs as Remus pulled Sirius towards him and allowed the tears to spill over his body.

Sirius clung to him desperately, his body shaking as the fear ran out of him in a never ending river of salty dampness. "I thought I'd lost you, Remus. I could feel how betrayed you were," Remus flinched as he thought about the Facio pendant, "and I thought – I thought I'd never–" Sirius pulled Remus closer, not needing to explain how he felt anymore, just needing to be held.

"It's okay," Remus eased. Arms wrapped around each other; legs tangled. Remus held his friend for a long time; long enough for all the tears to fall out of Sirius; long enough for his breath to become regular again. Soon his clinging wasn't desperate anymore, but he still held Remus close, running his hand up and down Remus's back.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, looking down at Remus's shoulder, "your top is soaked."

"It's okay," Remus grinned, "I've got another one." He half smiled at the joke and Sirius looked up at him. His blue eyes were so pensive. They seemed darker then Remus remembered and it took him a moment to remember to breathe. 

"Can I–" Sirius began, moving his head a little closer to Remus's. Again, the answer was given without words.

Remus could feel Sirius's breath mixing with his own. Mint Muggle toothpaste mixed with Dr. Dent's All Refreshing Mouth Wash. Remus couldn't take his eyes off Sirius's lips. They were moving so slowly it was like they were afraid the world would end when they kissed. 

Remus felt the barest touch of Sirius's lips next to his and he took a sharp intake of breath. He could feel the little hairs on Sirius top lip standing on end. Slowly, as their lips ghosted over each other Remus began to feel his head become dizzy. He didn't know whether it was from being so close to Sirius or because his breathing was so erratic.

Finally their lips met, but they did not push hungrily into each other. Sirius moved his lips over Remus's, barely tingling each others senses, but causing explosions of sighs and gasps. When Remus pushed forward, Sirius would pull back and vice-versa. They weren't kissing. It was something... something different. Something Remus had never experienced before. 

When he felt the warm wetness of Sirius's tongue glide over his top lip, Remus let out a long groan. 

Strong hands travelled under Remus's light t-shirt and gripped the flesh on his back into a needy grasp. Remus arched at the touch, his body needing this release. 

He was soon straddling Sirius. In a second, his top was thrown across the room and Remus pushed his torso onto his lover's. His nails clawed at the fabric of Sirius's vest, the material ripped easily, exposing flesh cooled by the night air. 

Remus ran a wet thumb over Sirius's nipple, forcing his mouth on Sirius's when the other boy groaned in pleasure. 

Hands were on his back again; kneading the tired flesh, encouraging the wanton behaviour. Remus could feel Sirius harden against his thigh. He could feel the need seeping through from the other boy's body. The smell of desire was consuming his senses.

He broke away from Sirius's lips and began a trail down the shoulders and chest of his friend. Licking, sucking and biting at the tanned flesh. Desire spiking his body every time a gasp was released from Sirius's lips. 

Remus pulled himself back up to look in Sirius's eyes.

"Do you want me to...?" Remus trailed off, a predatory grin playing on his lips. He was teasing Sirius, not making him beg but making him want it... _really_ want it.

Sirius's pupils dilated even further and a moment later his hands were in Remus's hair, pulling him into a passionate kiss. 

_Could it be this easy_, Remus thought, making Sirius want him seemed to be enough to send Remus's body into raging orgasm. Sirius's hands travelled down Remus's back, pulling him closer as they swelled against each other. 

Long fingers stretched over tanned skin as strong hand grasped at Remus's shoulder and up his neck.

Remus felt a dangerous spasm shoot through his body. He went rigid and jerked away from Sirius. His neck felt like fire from the touch.

"I told you," Remus spat, "Don't touch my-"

"I didn't think," Sirius explained, his breath shallow and grasping as he desperately moved back to kiss Remus.

Warm lips. Wet tongue. Hot mouth. It sent Remus's senses into overdrive. 

Oh God, he needed this. He needed Sirius. He needed the closeness; the strength; the hope.

A strong hand tripped across Remus's neck again and his bestial instincts kicked in.

With a force no one would ever assign to the young man, Sirius was wrenched from the bed and heaved across the room. His back crashed against the cold stone wall and before his body had a chance to crumble to the ground, the damp feel of human incisors clamped onto his neck. 

Remus's eyes flashed dangerous anger at his victim; animal territorialism sparking a primal trigger in his body. 

He could feel Sirius's pulse beating between his jaws. The jugular fiercely pumping away as teeth bore down upon it. Pain as Sirius's finger dug into his shoulders, desperately trying to push Remus away. The taste of copper was slowly seeping into his mouth and mixing with his saliva.

Remus could feel all of this, but it didn't matter. It faded into the back of the schoolboy's mind.

The wolf had been challenged. Having already been denied one victim; he was not going to lose another.

***


	7. Chapter Seven: This changes everything

Long Nights Moon and Restless Minds by lovegrrl Chapter Seven: This changes everything. 

***

Author's note: To everyone who has been waiting for this chapter, I hope I've given you what you want. I've been trying to upload this for ages but FF.net kept refusing for some reason. Bad boys.  
Dedications to Amy, Rachel and Abinikai for the beta's. Their words have been fantastic and everything I could have asked for. 

***

Sirius flinched as the teeth clamped around his neck, biting down fiercely. His hands were pressed against Remus's shoulders. White fingers desperately dug into his friend's skin in an attempt to push Remus away. 

He could barely breathe. Whatever instinct he had triggered in Remus had lead to something more then Sirius had ever expected. Blue eyes became fuzzy from painand lack of oxygen, his windpipe half obscured by the pressure being forced on his neck.

Sirius fought to speak, attempting to pull Remus back into control of his body, but Sirius's voice came out in harsh coughing gasp, forcing his head to whirl from the energy wasted in the useless attempt. 

"Reem-" Sirius managed to hiss as he pulled in another half gasp of air. Not enough. Head spinning. Body failing.

From somewhere inside his own head, Sirius began to hear a voice. It was distressed and frantic, 'You can't let him do this! He'll never forgive himself... for God's sake, Black, _fight back_.'

Sirius pulled all his strength together. He couldn't push Remus away. The other boy had pinned him against the wall, but by curling his leg around Remus's ankle, he managed to dislodge the werewolf momentarily. It was enough for Remus's grasp on Sirius's neck to loosen slightly so the dark haired boy could take a deep breath of air. 

"Remus," Sirius rasped in an unnaturally ragged voice. 

This seemed to catch the ear of the younger boy. His eyes flashed fleetingly, and a moment later, he released his hold on Sirius's neck.

Remus took a sharp step back, his slender body shaking with fear as he realised what he had done. He lifted his slim white hand from his side and wiped his mouth on it. Pulling it away, Remus looked down to see a slimy mess of blood and saliva.

Remus's convulsed with horror as he raised his eyes to Sirius's neck. The werewolf shook when he saw what was there.

Confused, Sirius raised his own hand and ran it along his neck, pulling away to reveal a palm smeared with rusty liquid. Surprise punched Sirius and his body expelled all oxygen. Remus would _never hurt him, never make him bleed. But there was the evidence, smeared across his hand._

"Oh Fuck! Fuck-Jesus-Fuck!" Remus stumbled backwards, throwing himself against the other wall. Tears were brimming from his eyes at the knowledge of what had just happened.

Sirius stood in shock, unable to move as Remus crumbled to the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" Remus howled at himself. "I can't even control myself." He swiped at the blood on his face. "I could have... I could have killed... oh _Fuck_." Remus was punching the wall now, his hands cracking easily against the stone.

This sight finally shocked Sirius back to reality, and he quickly moved to sit beside Remus, stopping the angry fists and taking them in his hands.

"Don't Remus," Sirius pleaded, "I can't watch you hurt yourself."

"But I could have-"

"It's okay."

"No. It's _not_ okay, Sirius." Tears streamed down Remus's face. "I just attacked you. Not Moony... ME!"  He wiped more blood from his chin and shoved it in Sirius face. "I could have _killed you. Don't you get that?"_

"But you didn't."

"That's no consolation Sirius. All I had was the knowledge that _most_ of the month I can act like a normal everyday wizard... but _now_."

"Jesus, Remus, you _are_ normal."

"And when was the last time someone did _that to you, Sirius?" Remus asked in an anguished voice, point to the red smear on Sirius's neck.._

"It wasn't your fault," Sirius reassured him. "You told me not to. You told me months ago. I knew what it would do."

"But I couldn't even control it, Sirius." Remus was pulling himself up now, his chest was still heaving as he crossed the room.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, also standing.

"I'm packing. I can't stay here. It's too dangerous."

"You're not going anywhere," Sirius said, moving forward to stop Remus.

"I can owl my parents. They'll come get me in the morning."

"You're _not_ going!" Sirius said again, this time forcefully grabbing Remus by the arm and spinning him around. "I won't let you."

"I _can't_ stay here," Remus said, his face betraying the pain of the words. "Attacking Snape was bad enough, but _this_."

"It's not like I didn't know what would happen, Remus," Sirius said, "I've known what you are since I was thirteen."

"But," Remus said in a pained whisper, "I just tried to-"

"I don't give a fuck what you _tried to do!" Sirius forced. "All you do is __act around all of us; me, Pete, James. You play at being the good friend because you think that if we got to know the __real you, we'd run a mile." Sirius pushed his hand into Remus's hair, forcing the boy to look at him. "Well I __know the real you, Remus. I _know_ what you are afraid of and I know what you _think_ others think of you... I know that you like Sugar Quills because they remind you of the first time you came here and Dumbledore let you enrol... I know that you like summer because the nights are shorter, and you don't have to be the wolf so long." Sirius was starting to break down as he spoke the words to his friend, but even as the tears fell, he continued. "I know that the reason you give me and James such slack is because you want us to __like you. You think you don't deserve to have us as friends, so you try to make up for the fact that you're a werewolf by being clever and reading books and becoming _prefect_," Sirius shook his head like this was the most unfathomable feat, "but none of that matters, because deep down inside you think in the end we'll all leave you. That we'll get married or start jobs and you'll be on your own again. Well it's _not_ going to happen!"_

"I can't ask you to-" Remus tried to express himself, his face a mess of tears and anguish.

"_Yes_, you can!" Sirius interrupted, "That's what friends are for. I'm not just here for the fun and laughter, Remus. I'm not a fair weather friend and don't _think you can get rid of me just by giving me a little flesh wound... You mean more to me than that."_

"It might have been _more_ then a flesh wound," Remus argued.

Sirius frowned at the boy; nothing could please him. Sirius crossed the room and a moment later pulled his wand out of his bag. He pointed it at his still bleeding neck.

"_Salus_."

Sirius's wand tip glowed pale blue and, like a zipper being pulled shut, the line of teeth marks on his neck closed up. Sirius ran his hand over the area; he was still bruised but that would fade in time.

"See," he said looking at Remus, "I learn a lot from hanging out with you... Not even a flesh wound."

"But it-" Remus started.

"_Not_ even a flesh wound, Remus," Sirius said again.

"But it _could_ have been," Remus pushed. "I can't let that happen again. Not even the possibility of it."

Sirius closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down, trying to think what would convince Remus.

"You know what the thing about Cuchulainn was?" Sirius calmly asked, moving towards Remus and placing a warm hand on his cheek.

"What?" Remus asked a little warily.

"The choice he made," Sirius answered. "He could have ordered one of his men to guard the house, or even just walked away from it... but he didn't. He knew what he had to do, and he _knew that no one else – not one _single_ person – could do it as well as he could."_

"I'm not your responsibility, Sirius," Remus sighed.

"I know," Sirius answered. "I'm yours. Who else will make me study... or make sure I have enough socks to wear."

"Socks?" Remus asked, confused.

"Very important, socks are," Sirius replied, moving closer to Remus, "they keep your feet warm." He placed a gentle kiss onto Remus's lips. It was soft and loving and so utterly painful for Remus.

"Sirius, I can't..." Remus whispered when they pulled apart, their foreheads resting against each other.

"Yes you can. You just have to let yourself." Sirius explained. "And not because you think I'll like you for doing it." Sirius smiled. "You could punch me in the face and I'd thank you for helping me see stars indoors."

Remus seemed to be deep in thought for a long time. Sirius simply stood facing him, their fingers tentatively playing with each other.

"So, do you..." Remus began, "you forgive me?"

Sirius was taken aback by the question. It took him a moment to figure out exactly what Remus was talking about.

"There is nothing to forgive," Sirius soothed, "but will you promise me something?"

Remus nodded sadly.

"Promise you'll _talk_ to me," Sirius said earnestly. "That no matter what, you'll tell me how you feel."

Remus sighed and nodded his ascent.

"How you _really_ feel." Sirius added.

"I promise."

***

Sirius and Remus were already at dinner when the others arrived, fresh from the Hogsmeade train station. 

"_Jesus_, Sirius," James exclaimed, "What happened to you?" The bespectacled boy reached across the table and turned Sirius's head, allowing a better view of the bruised neck.

"Oh," Sirius said, startled by the question. "Er... rogue Bludger." He shook James's hand away. "It happens," he added, shrugging lightly. 

Sirius noticed Remus move uncomfortably in his seat. _Nice one James!_

"It'll be gone in a few days," Sirius said, as James looked slowly from Sirius to Remus and then sat beside Lily.

"It's pretty nasty, Sirius," James stressed, quirking an eyebrow to Lily.

"How's your wrist, _James?_" Sirius retorted sharply, trying to take the emphasis off his own injury.

James pulled back at the venom in Sirius's voice. "_Fine!" he defended._

_Fuck_. Now James was suspicious.

"So how was your Easter?" Remus cut in, asking the three friends who had been absent.

"All right..." James answered slowly. "How was yours?" There was a tint of worry to the question, a feeling of apprehension.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other. They hadn't talked about what they would say.

"It was..." Sirius started, looking for the right word. "It was fine."

"So you didn't fight, or anything?" Lily asked, concerned.

"No," they both answered, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Really?" Peter asked, pushing Sirius's irritation a touch too far.

"Well _Jesus_, Wormtail, does it look like we killed each other?" 

Sirius regretted the words instantly. Beside him, he felt Remus flinch. It wasn't what he had meant to say at all. 

_Fuck_, fuck, _FUCK!_

"O_kay_," Peter defended, looking down to his plate in surprise. "No need to bite my head off."

"Look," Sirius tried, "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

Peter nodded at the apology but it didn't feel like he accepted it.

"I'm not really hungry," Remus said shakily as he stood up from the table. "I'm going to go lie down."

"Remus?" Sirius called to the retreating back of his friend.

"I'm fine, Sirius," was the only response Remus gave. He didn't even look back at the table as he walked out the door.

"So you two are getting on _great, then," James goaded._

"Shut up, James," Sirius spat as he pushed himself up from the table and ran after Remus.

When Sirius made it to the Entrance Hall there was no sign of his friend. Urgency almost caused him to run up the stairs in pursuit but, for once, logic took over from impulse. _He couldn't have made it up the staircase already, _Sirius reasoned.

His head turned and looked out the large oak doors. The sun was already setting in the spring sky, and even though it hadn't rained all day, there was a bite to the chilly air. 

_Typical_, Sirius thought, as he lamented leaving his robes in the Gryffindor Tower. Well, he concluded, his jeans and jumper would have to be warm enough as he headed out the door.

Sirius easily spotted Remus sitting under the Beech tree facing the lake. He must have run to be in position already. Sirius took a deep breath and began to cross the grounds. 

The grass crunched angrily under his feet and each step made him pull his arms around himself a little more to fight the chill. Remus wouldn't feel the cold, he thought, he'd sit out here all night getting hypothermia and still not notice his toes turning to ice.

"Remus?" Sirius ventured cautiously as he reached the tree. Sirius noticed his friend's head move a fraction in recognition. "I didn't mean-"

"I know, Sirius," Remus cut in, "I know, 'you didn't mean it'..." Remus finally looked up at Sirius, his eyes insistent. "But you still said it."

Sirius frowned, annoyed at himself. "You can't expect me to censor what I say," he expressed, "I can't do that, Remus... so sometimes I say things, and they don't... _I_ don't mean them." 

Remus's eyes pricked with pain yet again, "Then how am I meant to know?" Remus beseeched. "How am I meant to _know when you're telling the truth?"_

It took Sirius only a moment to look into these eyes and realise what he had implied.

"I didn't mean _you_, Remus," Sirius protested, falling to his knees on the dew-damp earth. "I could never lie to _you_." Remus looked away but Sirius pulled his gaze back by placing an index finger under his chin. "I don't think I could ever do anything... but love you. I don't think I ever have." 

Remus took a sharp intake of breath at these words. They were staring at each other. Their eyes locked with emotion.

"I'm not used to this, Sirius," Remus whispered.

"What?"

"This..." Remus shook his head, looking for the word, "_attention."_

Sirius smiled easily, even though his body was shivering against more then the cold. "You think I am?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"Well, you _are_ Sirius Black," Remus tried to tease, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I am that, aren't I," Sirius conceded, "but you're Remus Lupin, and that's a much more interesting package."

Remus smiled as Sirius moved in for a kiss. Their lips cold and crackling against each other. It was a new feeling.

"Your nose is cold," Remus informed with confused surprise when they pulled apart.

"Dog's nose," Sirius shrugged with a smile. Remus frowned and, noticing that Sirius wasn't wearing a robe, he ran a slender, if somewhat warmer, hand up Sirius's arm, aggravating the goose bumps that were beginning to nest on his skin.

"_You're_ cold!" Remus announced to a very unsurprised Sirius. 

"So are you."

"I didn't notice," Remus shrugged.

"I didn't think you would," Sirius said, again with that knowing smile.

Remus smiled easily, his thumb running over the small welts on Sirius's skin. "I suppose I should start taking care of myself." Remus's eyes fell in a smile to Sirius's wrist, which he was caressing. He frowned in the darkening light. "What's that?" he asked, pushing back Sirius's sleeve so his wrist was better exposed to the weak light.

Across his wrist, in outlined black letters was tattooed LXV.

"Tattoo," Sirius explained, his free hand pushing back a lock of Remus's fringe which had fallen into his amber eyes. "I got it this morning in Hogsmeade," Sirius explained. "It won't come off." Sirius smiled at the rapidly increasing frown on Remus's face. "Are you going to lecture me now?"

"I should!" Remus charged. "You know getting a tattoo is just a way of acting out. You'll regret it when you get older."

"No, I won't," Sirius replied. Remus was still holding onto his wrist, chewing his bottom lip slightly. "Aren't you going to ask why I got it?"

"You mean you're not going to make me guess?" Remus questioned.

"They're Roman numerals," Sirius continued, ignoring Remus's raised eyebrows. He pointed at the letters of the tattoo respectively. "Fifty – ten – five... adds up to Sixty five." Sirius took a deep breath and pushed his hair back from his face. He couldn't feel the cold anymore. All he could feel was the warmth spindling through his body from Remus's hand holding his wrist.

"What's sixty five mean?" Remus asked, the line between his eyebrows deepening.

"It's the number of days..." Sirius stopped, trying to gather his words properly. He didn't want to look at Remus just yet. He couldn't imagine the reaction he would get. "It's how long I had to be without you... I mean, from _that_ night until last night, when we kissed again... sixty five days. You were there, but... I couldn't be with you."

Sirius tried waiting for a response but nothing came. Remus hardly moved, except a small flinch of the fingers holding Sirius's wrist. Sirius wanted to look at him but he was afraid.

"I never thought I'd say this," Sirius started. "I mean, I've never exactly known how to talk about feelings or whatever, it wasn't really encouraged in the _Black_ house, but I can't go on without you Remus. I know it sounds really overdramatic, but I nearly died these last two months. I know I said you act around us, but I had to put on an act all the time as well. I had to pretend that I was okay. Even with James and Peter, who knew what had happened, because they didn't really _know. They didn't know how I – how I felt about you, _feel_ about you." Sirius wiped his nose on his sleeve. The cold was really getting to him again. If only Remus would talk. If only he would say something, anything._

"I promise, Remus, if you want me, I'll never be away from you. I mean, sixty five days is too long to be away from you anyway, but you'll never have to do it again. _I_ couldn't do it again." Sirius looked at Remus's down turned head. Hope was dying in him again. "Please, Remus." Remus didn't move. Tentatively Sirius cupped Remus's chin and tilted his head up.

Even in the dying light, the glisten in Remus eyes was so evident it made Sirius want to wrap his arms around the boy. Remus's cheeks were streaked with tears, and for the first time, Sirius noticed the shake in his shoulders.

"Re-, Moony, are you okay?"

Remus nodded, the movement dislodging another tear from his eye. "Just promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise you'll never get another one."

It seemed such a simple request: 'don't get another tattoo,' but Sirius knew it meant more then that. It meant don't hurt me, don't betray me, don't lie to me, but most of all, it meant don't leave me, and that was all Sirius needed to hear.

"Promise."

Remus sealed the promise with a kiss.

"How about some hot chocolate in the kitchens?" Sirius asked softly, when they had pulled apart. "My treat."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Your treat?" but he was met with a winking smile that made him relent immediately. "Okay, help me up."

Sirius stood and pulled Remus up easily. 

"Y'know," Remus commented as he dusted his robes off, "it really does get dark far too early here."

Sirius looked out over the lake to see the last rays of sun dissolving into the horizon. The only lights illuminating the grounds were from the ever present satellite hanging over the earth and the many candles and torches which lit the windowed corridors of Hogwarts.

"I don't know," Sirius argued, "there can be certain advantages to the dark." He moved towards Remus with every intention of taking _advantage of the boy. Remus, noticing the movement, blithely jumped back._

"You _promised_ me hot chocolate!" Remus accused, placing his hand deftly on his hips to show how serious he was.

"And I'm going to give you some," Sirius smirked.

"I meant the drinking kind," Remus corrected with a grin, taking a step around the large Beech trunk. "Not the kind _you have in mind."_

Sirius darted around the other side of the tree and pinned Remus up against the peeling bark. They both grinned breathlessly at each other as Sirius's hands travelled down Remus's robed arms to intertwine with long, skilful fingers.

"You shouldn't tease me, Lupin," Sirius growled. "I might have to punish you." 

Sirius pushed Remus back into the tree, their hips rocking together. Remus moaned at the force.

"To punish me, you have to catch me first!" Remus explained in a heavy whisper.

"In case you haven't noticed, Mister Mooney, Mister Padfoot has you quite trapped as it is." 

Remus smiled mischievously and with a quick hook of his leg, dislodged Sirius's hold. 

Sirius scrambled as Remus escaped from his 'prison.' 

"Trapped, was I?" Remus teased as he jogged away from Sirius and towards the castle.

"I'll get you," Sirius promised with an earthy growl before setting off full hilt after Remus. The other boy let out a throaty laugh, allowing himself to be pursued into the mouth of the castle.

***

At a window overlooking the grounds of Hogwarts, a pair of blue eyes looked out as two figures happily dashed out from under the cover of a Beech tree. It seemed a game of tag was afoot.

"I think they're okay," a soft voice said into a friendly ear as arms circled around the other's waist.

"Hmmm," was the easy reply, "I though they would be."

***

Sirius lay on the bed, running his fingers gently over Remus's shirted chest. It had been weeks since they had been able to be properly alone together. Whether it was studying for their N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch practice or simply spending time with their friends, there had hardly been more than a moment to spare, until now.

James and Peter were sitting their last N.E.W.T. exam this afternoon. Sirius and Remus had finished their N.E.W.T.s that morning and were in a peaceful slumber brought on by the relief of no more study and the prospect of uninterrupted hours together. Their mumbled conversation had been lulled by Sirius's tender strokes, and Remus's head fell back onto the pillow, a contented smile tugging at his lips.

Sirius lifted the corner of Remus's shirt and ran his fingers up the long scar running across Remus's chest. The scar he had showered with kisses on that first night. Sirius felt Remus's hand lazily tug at his hair, caressing the long blackness through his fingers.

"Where is it?" Sirius asked as he ran his finger down the scar.

"Huh?" Remus mumbled, not wanting to move from his cosy position.

"The bite?" Sirius asked. "I don't remember seeing it on any of my... explorations."

"Oh," Remus replied. "My leg. The right one."

"Can I look?"

Remus nodded sleepily but managed to raise his head from the pillow, propping himself up on his elbows. He never told them much about what had happened, no matter how they'd tried to prod information out of him, just that he'd been very young.

Sirius moved down the bed and, cupping his two hands on Remus's ankle, pushed the material of his trousers up his leg. There, among the bristled hairs, Sirius could see the faded outline of jagged teeth. The skin had healed as best as it could, but like all childhood scars, it left raised white mounds of skin in its wake. It had stretched as Remus had grown and now looked like the jaws of a shark rather then a werewolf. Sirius ran a finger along the scar.

"Strange place to be bitten."

"I had my back to her."

"Her?"

Remus nodded, "Yes, her! And if you say anything about losing to a girl, I'm going to kill you."

"I wouldn't," Sirius defended with a smile, but Remus just raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "How'd you know it was a girl anyway?"

"I saw her," Remus replied with a frown as he looked back at the scar. "After they killed her, she turned back to her human form... That's when mum started crying. I don't think they realised she was a werewolf. They just thought it was a random animal attack. I would have been dead if it wasn't for Thomas." 

"Your brother?"

"He pushed me out of the way," Remus explained. "I suppose it disorientated her enough for him to call for my dad." Remus stopped momentarily, memories of the night shadowing his eyes. "They wouldn't call the Ministry. Mum tried to clean the wound, but it was too late. I _knew it was too late, but she wouldn't listen. Dad just paced back and forth across the hall. He still had the gun in his hand... I remember, for a moment, thinking he was going to shoot me too. I was only a kid but I'd heard enough stories to know what would happen to me."_

"He wouldn't have done that!"

"I guess not. But it was still a lot to deal with. His _son was a __werewolf."_

"You're more than that, Remus."

Remus looked up at Sirius, his eyes slowly filling with pleasure again.

"I'm glad I am. If I wasn't we wouldn't have met." Remus smiled at Sirius's confused face. "Didn't you ever wonder why my brother went to Beauxbatons? I was meant to go there too. It was what my mum wanted, but they'd never let me in. Even Durmstrung would have been a problem because the Lupins aren't exactly wizarding aristocracy." Remus smiled, but it wasn't a false smile. His eyes were drowning in Sirius's and he licked his lips, which were dry after talking so much.

Sirius moved up the bed again until he was level with Remus's gaze.

"Thank you for telling me." 

Remus smiled again, "Can we snog now?"

Sirius laughed at his friend's brashness, "Why, Mr. Lupin, I believe you are trying to take advantage of me?"

"If you resist I'll only make it harder for you," Remus warned.

"Really?"

"Just remember, I warned you. You could have given in easily but you wanted it the hard way," he answered before catching Sirius in a smouldering embrace that lasted for the rest of the afternoon.

***

"Stop twitching!" Lily snapped.

"I can't help it," James defended, pulling at the collar of his dress robes. "This thing is too tight!"

"I told you to order a new set in Hogsmeade, but you wanted to spend your money on those fireworks," she reprimanded, slapping his hand away from the collar again. 

Sirius and Remus exchanged grins as James huffed to himself. 

"That'd be a waste of money, not like I'll ever wear them again anyway!" he mumbled to himself.

The seventh years were waiting outside the Great Hall. It was the day of the Graduation ball. Each house would be introduced to the rest of the school before the ball began. It was an old tradition but one that the school liked to uphold.

"You look gorgeous," a smooth voice ghosted across Sirius's ear. "I wish I could get under those robes right now." Sirius shivered and swallowed back the lump in his throat. 

Professor McGonagall came out of the Hall and greeted them.

"Seventh years," she smiled. "Welcome to the last Ball you shall attend as students of Hogwarts." She went on to explain the procedure once they entered the hall, but Sirius's attention was taken by the silky voice in his ear.

"I'd run my fingers all over you. Kissing your neck just the way you like it. I'd get you so sweaty and hard you'll be screaming for me to make you come." Sirius felt a set of long fingers brush against his own. "And all I want you to think about during the ball is how I'm going to suck you dry."

"Bastard!" Sirius whispered through clenched teeth.

"Mr. Black!" McGonagall exclaimed. "Just because it is a night of celebration, do not think I will allow such debauched language."

Sirius could only nod his understanding, but thought her attention might be better directed to a certain Gryffindor prefect.

His mind was spinning as they entered the Hall. He went through all the traditions on auto-pilot, having seen them before it was easy. Smile, nod, act _properly_, but in his head all he could see was Remus. Sirius's eyes followed the fellow Gryffindor like a hawk. His forest green robes moving easily with the slim body. 

_Great_, he though, _now I'm all worked up. Sirius made his way to the punch and poured himself a glass, which he downed quickly. _

"I know you're thinking about me, Sirius," the voice ghosted again. "I can feel what you want. I can feel you inside me." Sirius's body tensed violently at the thought and the glass in his hand shattered into a million pieces under his grip, falling to the ground. 

"Jesus, Sirius," James cried over the music. "You okay?"

Sirius nodded tightly and spun around looking for Remus. It took him a moment but when his eyes fell on the familiar form he was sitting at a table with Lily and Peter. The other two were deep in conversation but Remus's eyes were fixed on Sirius, his thumb running slowly across his bottom lips.

What was going on? Sirius thought. How could Remus be all the way over there if he'd just heard him right next to his ear?

Sirius heard a spell being uttered behind him and a moment later a glass of punch was pushed into his hand.

"Good as new," James said as he smiled at his friend. "You sure you're okay? You look a bit-"

"I'm fine, a bit hot," Sirius interrupted, finally looking away from Remus. "It's just... last ball, y'know? It's all a bit strange."

"Yeah, but 'good' strange, right?"

Sirius nodded again, as more words floated into his ears. _I want to lick you, suck you._

"Peter was hinting that we should get a place together," James sighed. "I mean, I wouldn't mind, but I was hoping Lily..."

_I'll tie you to the bed. I'll let you pump into me._

Sirius closed his eyes again, hoping that his heavy breathing wasn't obvious.

"Are you and Remus still moving in together?"

Another nod.

"You know where yet?"

"No," Sirius opened his eyes again. "Just somewhere Remus can transform... with a pub nearby."

James nodded, taking a sip of his drink.

_Remember, you said you wanted it the _hard_ way._

"Hello boys," Lily greeted as she moved to put her arm around her boyfriend. "I hope you two are behaving yourselves."

"As always," James replied, a glint in his eyes.

"Sure, I believe you," Lily smiled in feigned sweetness, but this melted quickly as she spoke again. "Remus said he's not feeling so good. He's gone to lie down for a moment."

Sirius turned to the spot where Remus had been sitting moments before, and sure enough, it was empty. When he turned back to his two friends he noticed Lily looking away from him quickly and giving James a communicative stare.

James frowned questionably at her then looked at Sirius for a moment and back again. "Oh right! I should go check on him, shouldn't I?" he said looking at his girlfriend to see if he'd read he signs correctly. He had. "Right. Back in a minute," he said, placing his glass back on the table.

"I'll go," Sirius interjected, downing the rest of his glass in an instance.

"You sure? I don't mind." James asked.

And give up the chance to get rid of this hard on? Sirius thought.

"No. I'll go. To tell you the truth I'm feeling a bit off myself. Must have been the fish." Sirius excused himself feebly considering he hadn't mentioned anything about feeling unwell up until that moment. "I might have a bit of a lie down as well."

He put his glass down and bid his friends goodbye. He could feel his whole body throbbing with anticipation. All he had to do was get through this crowd and he could be with Remus within minutes. 

_Sirius, I'm waiting for you. If you don't hurry I might have to start without you._

Sirius started pushing harder through the crowd, many threw him disdainful looks as he barrelled by, but he was getting closer to the doors and he really didn't care. 

A hand grabbed his arm, and try as he might, he couldn't dislodge it.

"What!" he hissed, spinning to attack whoever was impeding his journey.

"Umm, look," James said, suddenly looking more abashed then Sirius had ever seen him. Over James's shoulder, Sirius could see Lily spying the two of them while talking to Peter and his date. "I just, umm, I wanted you to know that if, you know, you wanted some..." James trailed off for a moment still not making eye contact with Sirius.

"What is it, Prongs?" Sirius asked, trying to push down the aggravation he was feeling.

"Well," James continued after taking a deep breath. "The Ball is going until midnight, y'know, and it's only nine now so... "

"I know that, James."

"We won't be back until midnight, Peter and me, I mean. I'll make sure we're not back until midnight. Or later... if you want."

Something in the words finally broke through to Sirius. James _knew_. He knew about Remus and him, and if James knew, Lily knew. Sirius's eyes flew back to the red-head Gryffindor just in time to see her turn away again. Her face had been slightly blushed, just as James's was now.

"I just wanted you to know that," James explained. "Just in case you wanted some... some privacy."

Sirius raised his eyebrows at the last statement and without thinking about it, a smile broke across his face.

"Prongs, my old man," Sirius laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so bashful."

James looked up to see the laughter in Sirius's eyes.

"Well," James reasoned, trying to play it cool. "What do you want me to say? 'Padfoot, you have three hours to bugger each other senseless.' " James looked shocked at his own words for a moment and then burst into laughter. 

Several heads turned as Sirius and James howled in laughter.

"Well, that wasn't so bad was it?" Sirius asked teasingly.

"Fuck you, Padfoot."

Sirius raised his eyebrows at the statement and James, realising what he said, started to turn crimson yet again.

"Just go, Padfoot!"

Sirius smiled, "Okay." He turned to leave but a second later turn back. "How did you... I mean, I'm sorry we didn't tell you but how did you figure it out?"

"I didn't," James smiled, his eyes sparkling indecipherably. 

"But..."

***

To say Remus was a little worked up when Sirius finally made it to his side would be an understatement, but it took only the removal of Sirius's clothes to appease him. In between fervent kisses and caresses, Sirius managed to tell his lover what had happened.

"I always knew she was a clever girl."

"I don't think she'd like to be called a girl!"

"I don't care right now. I just want to take advantage of our three hours."

"You know you just ripped my robes!"

"You can remind me tomorrow; I _might actually give a damn then."_

"So... are we going to...?"

"Yes!... Oh god, I mean, do you want to?"

"Yes, I just... I've never..."

"You haven't?"

"No... You thought I had?

"Well... yeah. At Christmas you said-"

"I've done stuff, just not _that."_

"You have to be able to at least say it if we're going to do it."

"What?"

"Say sex."

"Why?"

"Because."

"You think I won't."

"I think you're avoiding it."

"I'm not."

"Then say it."

"You say it."

"I already have."

"When?"

"About five minutes ago!"

"Oh."

"... We don't have to."

"I want to."

"You do?

"Yes! Desperately, madly, passionately. I want to do it. I'm just..."

"Scared?"

"Yes."

"We can wait."

"No. I'm just... I'm worried it will change things."

"It will change _everything_."

Blue eyes looked into the loving amber ones in front of them. 

"Promise?"

"I promise."

As the Graduation Ball continued in the Hall below, a great cloud of change past over the enchanted ceiling at Hogwarts. More than one decision had been made that night. More promises would be exchanged and vows taken than these young minds had even begun to comprehend. 

This interlude in the young life of two men would become something of the past. A happy memory tainted by mistrust and fear. And yet, a memory clung to as a remembrance of a life more ordinary. A life made blissful by a single word. 

A promise.

***

Final Author's note: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those who read this story in its early stages and prompted me to continue and also to everyone who reviewed along the way. This has been an interesting way of getting into the heads of my two favourite characters and I hope you like it.   
N.B. I know the last conversation is hard to follow and this is down to my own choice; my beta's told me to change it but, hey, I'm stubborn. Actually, I wanted it to end like this to show how easily these two can communicate now. They don't need too much explanation of feelings. They have melded into one, so they understand how the other feels.

Ok, I'm stopping now. Please review.


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